winter snow

snow


and more...

not very clear pics... it was beauttiful! unfortunately, ling borrowed my camera, and so i had to use my webcam... which well... =P oh well... you get the idea. It was nice... snowy but not freezing cold. Sad thing is that it's all melted. sigh....

sleepy.

yup, my room is packed and cleaned. my files are organised, my list of homework to do is written. I think before i set out to accomplish everything, i will take a break

i will probably sleep... and be up in an hour or so.

fuzzy warm

bear!

fuzzy wuzzy and warm. He's super huggable, and... argh. simply put, it's an awesome gift from an awesome person. =P haha. Hozea sent me this as a suprise (for v-day i think) but it came a bit too early... nonetheless it was the right time for me! I really needed some TLC yesterday... haha and he cheered me up immensely. So thank you dear... thanks alot!!! And I will think of a better name than "Brownie" soon, =)

=) here you go

• clime: climate, the weather in some location averaged over some long period of time
• milieu: a) an enviroment or setting |b) the social setting of a mental patient
  
• palimpsest: a) a manuscript, typically of papyrus or parchment, that has been written on more than once, with the earlier writing incompletely erased and often legible |b) an object, place, or area that reflects its history.
• redolent: a) having or emitting a frangrance or odor |b) suggestive, reminiscent
  
• epithet: a) a descrptive word or phrase |b) a defamatory or abusive word or phrase
  
• thetic:a) beginning with, constituting, or relating to the thesis in prosody (which is the study of verse)|b) presented dogmatically; arbitrarily prescribed.
• corpus: a) a large collection of writings of a specific kind or on a specific subject |b) collection of writings or recorded remarks used for linguistic analysis.
• vacillate: a) to sway from one side to the other; oscillate |b) swing indecisively from one course of action or opinion to another
• ephebe: a youth between 18-20 years of age in ancient Greece
  
• transmuted: to change from one form, nature, substance, or state into another; transform
• emanate: a)to come out from a source| b)to give out or emit

sorry it took so long... i was busy!

English... =) how baffling

A couple of interesting words in my prof's thesis on inter-textuality, anyone care to hazard a guess? I'm sure that you know some, and can guess a few... =) hee.. there were even more, but i got tired of typing them out. Answers tomorrow people!

• clime
• milieu
• palimpsest
• redolent
• epithet
• thetic
• corpus
• vacillate
• ephebe
• transmuted
• emanate

sigh

Mac mini


Sigh. Mac products just blow my mind. Introducing the Mac mini. a round of applause, if you will, for... well, technology!

you know when you are tired, and you have these waves of lightness that flood over you? yeah. i have that. I have been up since i dunno when this morning, and it's close to 1 am here. gosh. that's like the latest i've been up since i've been back here? argh. haha. tons of things to do. tons and tons. all my fault because i did not do them on saturday or sunday. you reap what you sow... and I sowed nothing over this weekend, so i better start sowing soon, or i will not be reaping anything. Thank God for His grace though, for when i am weak, He is strong. and best thing is... i am so unworthy of anything, yet i am precious in His sight. how does that make sense? i dunno. But i do know it's true.

goodnight peeps!

more earrings

feeling so unmotivated. thought i'd try and so something i've been wanting to do for a long time. didn't get much done, but here you are, the newest additions to my bandana from my trip home!

i'm really tired. and feeling very lethargic. dont want to do anything but read, sleep and eat. i think i had a fever last night actually... that may explain why i am tired. I don't know. need to get cracking on the homework, so i shall, even though i currently dont feel like it. we shall see what i can do.

mini revival

i have so many things that i want to say. I wish I were at home, i would probably share it in cell group, or even at BAY.

Lately, God has been bringing me, tthrough what I consider is a little spiritual revival. I want to share because I'm excited, I want to share so you all can keep me accountable, and I want to share to encourage you.

It started with repentance. As all true revivals must. To put my life in perspective was hard, because I had to jugde myself. I had to see how selfish I had become, how self-centered. I had to see how apathetic I felt towards somethings, and how I had let myself be deceived into believing things were fine. Most of all, I had to recognise my sins, (many plurals involved here) for what they were, choices I made in defiance of God. That's how base I am. I know I have this good and gracious God... and He is so forgiving and loving... and I took advantage of that, and I flouted all the rules, knowing He loves me and would forgive me. How evil am I to not understand that pain He must feel when I know, and intentionally hurt him, to do something which ultimately leads me to destruction? I don't know. But I know I made very bad choices... choices with friends, with giving, with family and with attitudes.

You guys may think i'm nuts. Saying all this. But it takes some confession in order to show God how sincere I am. I don't ever want to be that kind of girl who forgets her calling for her own dreams. But as I repented, and promised to remain committed to obeying God, my passion for people, change and ideas began to rise up again. I know this feeling. Something I haven't felt in a while, SIHFIAW? (Is that it?) .

So here they are, I am committed to: Spending time with God daily, in prayer, journalling, reading His word, and just being. Being still before God is very important this year. I am going to find some way to be actively involved in church, even if it's dishing out food, I will find something. I will pray for my girls back home... too many to name. I will try to keep Becky and Hozea accountable. I will keep track of my non-christian friends. I will communicate more with my family. I will minister to the girls on my wing by encouraging them and praying for them.

I will repent daily, and maybe have a mini spiritual revival everyday.

Do this for me. Ask me to pray for you. The other day, someone sent me an email asking for prayer... I prayed on the spot... but later that day, I was so burdened to keep praying about it. And I still am. I can't guarantee that I will be burdened for every prayer, but I guarantee God will. I really... i love my youth back home alot... and I can't do much but email, chat and pray.

Long blog? Last thing for now. This is a message that was given on Wednesday Chapel. Be inspired to find your destiny through these guidelines:
M: Make godly plans on purpose. Prov 19:21
A: Ask directions. Trust the Word of God as your map. Prov 3:4-5
P: Pace yourself. Don't burn out. Numbers 20
Q: Quit being pig-headed. Luke 15: 11ff
U: Undo your mistakes. Mark 11:22-25
E: Experience life.
S: Stop listening to bad advice. 1 Cor 15:33
T: Take time to fall in love with Love. 1 Cor 13
(MAPQUEST is the name of a popular search engine that Americans use to find the way to their destination)

Don't be afraid to repent, and fix what went wrong. Don't be afraid to judge yourself now, because it's better you see yourself, then wait till you face God on the throne and have nothing to say. Enjoy a mini revival, find the route to your destination in Christ. Do something.

please.

say hi to the fam!

my family

from left to right:
Chen Enhan Jonathan aka: jono, boy, jon, enhan, jon-jon. Aspiring musician, computer and math and science and english whiz (he's smart lah!), book-lover, computer games fan. Weapon of choice: squeezing various family members under the guise of a "hug". Really good boy though... considering he's 15 this year.
Tan Hang Khee aka: daddy, dad, father (to us), dear (to mum) and "hunky", uncle monkey, alan, and more to friends and all. God-fearing, hardworking, sporty, bold and brave pioneer. Does everything, wants to make everything right. Loves to play board games, do crosswords (indoor) and then spend every other second outdoor... hiking, playing basketball, soccer, golf... what-have-you-nots. Lately, daddy's been very affectionate.
Victoria Tan aka : mummy, mum, mumsy, mother! (to us), dear (to dad). God-loving, flag-raising, spirit-filled, praying mother. Loves us, brought us up well. Has her ridiculous moments of buying ah-ma clothes, getting excitable and pointing out things she wants. Love to call her by all variations of "mum", especially when i'm whiny. ooh... mommy can cook really well... and dance too!
Chen En'Ai Jeanette aka: er-jie (to jono), 'ai (to jie), en'ai (to dad) and nanette (to mum). The latter is unfortunate. Happy laughy one, creative, helpful. Apple, pineapple, strawberries and fruit fan. Refer to comments below.
Chen En-hui Elizabeth aka: da, jie, dajie, sis, sissssssie (when i'm whiny), enhui (to dad and mum), miko (to relatives). Smart, generous, wise, talented, godly, independant. Parents defer to her for decisions at times. Right place, right time. Jie's the best dajie on earth! Lately, she's been through alot. Strong and yet broken. Closest to me.

It's hard writing about myself as part of my family. I don't know if I have an accurate assessment of what my family thinks of me. Officially, I am the fashion consultant (what shirt matches? what skirt should I buy? which colour ah?), the "pretty" one (cos I mean... i guess that's all i'm good for!), the artsy one (can you draw this for me? enai, help me color. I want a shirt with glittery flowers ok?) and the fruit-cutter and eater. But i'm also the flighty and stray one. My family constantly reminds me (don't get lost, where are you going? what are you doing? why are you giggling? make sure you come back ah!). I think they like me being helpful (i do the cooking when i'm back in sabah), but they also think I get too involved with other people.

I'm closer to my mum and my sis. Jie and I have been through alot together- we stayed on our own... and still do whenever we are back in singapore together. She's a year older than me. We talk, email, msg, skype and pray. I'd be such a mess if God did not give me my jie. I love spending time with my mumsy her when she's around... she's awesome and I know she loves me, even when she doesn't support everything I do. She's my mum and still needs to be the one who holds the rod firmly.

I am thankful for my family though. For my godly heritage, for my upbringing. For the sheltered life I had, and have... and for the letting go that they have been willing to go through. For the love that has helped me to find God's love, and has helped me to pour out love to others. God, =) Thank You. Be glorified in us.

sunday

I was struck by one thing in my text book... which is that as Christians, we often think that we have to be perfect, and have to portray perfect. Truth is that while God intends us to live a victorious life, it doesn't always work out that way. And we need to be honest with that, and then learn to share it, learn to give it back to God, learn to let go... learn to be broken.

I think i struggle with that alot, to be honest. So here's an entry from my heart. I'm not perfect... but I strive... but meanwhile, I can stumble and stumble and its ok.

Today, for example, I am awfully lonely. I miss my morning teh-C/breakfast with cherie. I miss sitting in the worship hall and waiting for people to arrive, I miss worshipping with people i love, I miss sitting next to a sleepy becky... I miss being able to say "we" instead of "i" in songs, I miss looking at familiar faces, I miss rushing down to find my grandma, I miss tea fellowship and meeting random aunties who ask after my parents. I miss sunday school, and the loitering with others before and after. I miss hozea and the time we spend on sundays . It's not like i'm all alone here, but it certainly feels like I am. Everything today is almost a buzz... my mind, alot of it was in conversation (or whining) with God. WHY? WHY? WHY? why am I here? why am I not home? why is home so far? and yet, I know the answer.

"I am here" "I called you here" "There's something for you here" "You're learning more than you would" "Stop being selfish, get out of your comfort zone" "Stop whining, you are getting what every other student in Singapore wants" "I love you, I'm with you..." "I'll give you strength to get through" "Use this to glorify me" "Get equipped!"

Is there resolution? I think i'm stable... God is good, and I am rather base... but for God's amazing grace, I am alive and loved... and I can learn to deal with it.

photos

well, i'm back... and so they are up.
to save time, and effort... I uploaded all my pics on one album... so I mean... I guess it'd ok for you guys to see pictures of me with people you don't know... i didn't get shutter happy this time... so they are normal posed-for pics... not the spontaneous random ones that sometimes happen

go here if you want to see who I spent my time with this dec.

Oh... pictures with my family, from the photo shoot are pending. they're in the mac, and i'm using the dell and too tired to transfer images right now.

i miss you all. and hey.

I know things aren't always as perfect as we want them to be. we're all broken people... we've been hurt and have hurt others. letting God heal isn't easy, but it's better than letting it fester...

We're also all unsatisfied souls... we always want more and give less. chasing our own passions isn't easy, but chasing God's passions is even harder.

back

sigh... i'm back in tulsa.

yes. i have jet lag, and i am giddy and tired... hungry and have no appetite, lonely and still trying to catch up with everyone here. my room is a mess, my brain is a mess... and yes, i miss home. I miss you people... and yes, i miss you, hozea. (has anyone seen his blog??? got pictures... if you wanted to see.. then see his page lah!)

BECKY!!! i tell you something sad, don't cry though. We forgot to take a picture AGAIN!!! so this effectively means that the last pic we took together was the airport one... STILL!! that is so sad lor. I guess you don't really think of taking photos when you're out rushing around, helping me buy stuff for home. Thanks Becks. I don't think anyone else would love me that much to follow me around doing stuff. haha. we don't have the money to hang out that much anyway.

okie.. to chapel once more. I think i really miss that though.. so that's a good thing!

bye bye

argh. times flies. that's a cliche... but it does, expecially when you're home. I'm leaving for school, tulsa that 24 hour horrendous flight... it's always worse going back to tulsa, cos you aren't looking forward to anything. though i do sorely miss the chow family and eileen...

argh. another one for how my luggage can be so heavy when I can't remember buying much. Please don't remind me that one entire luggage is made up enitrely of food. I don't wish to remember that I bought that much food, for what? for comfort? why will I need comort? cos i wont be home... *and the whining continues, but i will spare dear readers of my head noise*.

argh. I haven't written all the letters I wanted to, met up with all the people I want to, spent enough time with the people that I did get to meet up with, find that social service agency that I wanted, or even eat all the things that I wanted to. There's never enough time to do all you want. Least I did see my family for a week...

okiedokie dearies. I love you all. pics will be up when I get home and perhaps on the first weekend when I'm more settled. earlier is I decide i miss you all too much. =)

*hugs*

Thanks to all btw, that I did get to see and talk to, even for the shortest. Cheryl? how did the appeal go? Hozzy? did you manage to get more work? Tell me about gab's hair kay? Hazel, I plan to call you, but how is shatec going? are leeyin's shirts nice? becky.. haha.. hope the bidding thing goes well lah. i'll talk to you more some day. cherie... eh. if i'm not going to sleep tonight, then can I read the letter now? after all.. BEFORE I go to bed can be anytime BEFORE more.. never say immediately before!, Abby.. i have letter for you, Jane too!!! er. see if I can get someone to pass to you babes ok? There's more that I have in my head, but now I have to go and shower, and then finish packing so i can head down to meet ivin and joyce and kel for dinner at their new apartment! yay. =)