in a sense, the days here seem to pass me by... all of a sudden, i've almost spent a week here in Sabah... Things have happened of course... and we've been doing things, but yet, seems like nothing is happening at all.
Things are changing in my family. A couple of decisions made on a Saturday afternoon left our lives in a big tumble... one that will eventually land us all back in Singapore. I pray that it will work out... but you know, man proposes and God disposes. Just hopefully that this one God will back us up on. In a year's time, I'll be home with my jie, find a job and start working... and we'll be taking care of my brother. THings seems so vague and uncertain. Yet.. the date of my graduation is out already. =)
Another piece of news, i have a long dec holiday too! 4 weeks =) YAY! so I'll most likely be coming home after all!! haha... I think Becky and Hozea can understand my excitement. It shouldn't suprise you that I would be excited to go home.
Thinking about it, i'm not the adventurous type.. or not the travelling type. I've been told to make goos use of my time in the US and TRAVEL!!! but honestly, what i've seen on my 3 weeks road trip was great... but i'm more than prepared to not do it again... I'd want more time to spend in one place, less travelling, more experiencing and more getting-to-know-you kinda thing. When you're running around the US in a car, getting places seem more important than people sometimes... =(
Just another thought. =) Been really glad to be with my sis. Lately, we've been praying every morning and night for our family, friends, boyfriends (special category no?) and ourselves too. It's been a good discipline... and of course, when you ebgin to pray for someone, you find that you miss them less. =)
love you all! take care... seeya.. SOON!
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Thursday, June 23, 2005
and now.. in Sabah
my travelling is not done... now in Sabah. In the last week, i've been to Singapore, KL and Sabah. Such is the life of a very very busy 20 year old.
For that matter, it's hard to believe i'm 20 and I'm attached. My grandparents and aunties and uncles over in KL, all are so super excited for me! haha... my grandma though... (i call her mama) is so different. I haven't seen them in 2.5 years, and all of a sudden, it's like... *wham*.. she's old and frail and soft spoken. It's kinda sad... but in a way, it's right... it's meant to be... It's hard to reconcile the fact that one day they won't be around in KL anymore, and i'll have no reason to go to KL... hmmm, well, maybe to see my cousins... but yeah. that's sad.
sigh... on a happier note. God is good. Church camp was excellent... i think that i got out alot more than I gave. God brought me there to do something with me... and well.. hopefully He used me in the process for other people lah... but really, alot of this camp was healing for me. I LOVED being able to be with the leaders in fellowship once again, missed out so much when i was in Tulsa. I also got to talk to Becky... haven't been with her enough.. but really... best friends are forever... so amazing lah. It's just like that. God is good. And i had a terrific group... and they were awesome... and I think they grew in camp. It was so refreshing, and such a blessing to be encouraged by them all. And yes, of course, I got to spend time with Hozea.. which was kinda special cos we both thought we'd be too busy with leading (for me) and games and worship (for him) to actually do anything. But, i think we learnt alot about each other during camp as well. So i'm glad he went, even though he didn't really want to. Becky too.
=) Things in Sabah are slow. OOH! I cut my hair. Not super short lah.. but enough to make me notice that a bunch of it is gone. Stop telling me i'm not adventurous. I KNOW i'm not. hehe... and i think i'm happy enough not trying to be lah. There's too much stress involved in trying to overcome the fear. Being with my family is rather routine lah. Get up, breakfast, do something, cook dinner, play at night, go to sleep... and so forth.
Missing Singapore... and my boyfriend alot. Sigh. oh well. i'll stop the mush. Will be back with my jie on the 4th July. She's leaving for Japan.. and I dont know when i'll get to see her again too. It's bveen wonderful getting to sepnd about more than a month with her. I miss her alot too. She is really the best elder sis in the world!
Pics will be out later... =)
For that matter, it's hard to believe i'm 20 and I'm attached. My grandparents and aunties and uncles over in KL, all are so super excited for me! haha... my grandma though... (i call her mama) is so different. I haven't seen them in 2.5 years, and all of a sudden, it's like... *wham*.. she's old and frail and soft spoken. It's kinda sad... but in a way, it's right... it's meant to be... It's hard to reconcile the fact that one day they won't be around in KL anymore, and i'll have no reason to go to KL... hmmm, well, maybe to see my cousins... but yeah. that's sad.
sigh... on a happier note. God is good. Church camp was excellent... i think that i got out alot more than I gave. God brought me there to do something with me... and well.. hopefully He used me in the process for other people lah... but really, alot of this camp was healing for me. I LOVED being able to be with the leaders in fellowship once again, missed out so much when i was in Tulsa. I also got to talk to Becky... haven't been with her enough.. but really... best friends are forever... so amazing lah. It's just like that. God is good. And i had a terrific group... and they were awesome... and I think they grew in camp. It was so refreshing, and such a blessing to be encouraged by them all. And yes, of course, I got to spend time with Hozea.. which was kinda special cos we both thought we'd be too busy with leading (for me) and games and worship (for him) to actually do anything. But, i think we learnt alot about each other during camp as well. So i'm glad he went, even though he didn't really want to. Becky too.
=) Things in Sabah are slow. OOH! I cut my hair. Not super short lah.. but enough to make me notice that a bunch of it is gone. Stop telling me i'm not adventurous. I KNOW i'm not. hehe... and i think i'm happy enough not trying to be lah. There's too much stress involved in trying to overcome the fear. Being with my family is rather routine lah. Get up, breakfast, do something, cook dinner, play at night, go to sleep... and so forth.
Missing Singapore... and my boyfriend alot. Sigh. oh well. i'll stop the mush. Will be back with my jie on the 4th July. She's leaving for Japan.. and I dont know when i'll get to see her again too. It's bveen wonderful getting to sepnd about more than a month with her. I miss her alot too. She is really the best elder sis in the world!
Pics will be out later... =)
Friday, June 10, 2005
back in tulsa
just wanted to let you all know, i'm coming home on the 15th early morning (what else is new) and going for church camp on the 17th June...
will be back in Singapore on the 4th July. Going to KL and Sabah after church camp
=) seeya all really soon!
will be back in Singapore on the 4th July. Going to KL and Sabah after church camp
=) seeya all really soon!
Monday, May 23, 2005
in boston
well
Boston is
freezing cold.
other than that. My wonderful jie had graduated from TUFTS U, and will bemoving onto further studies at the Harvard... =) yay.
met my sister's friends.... in particular, Ken and Rachelle
Ken... haha.. scored lots of points with my parents and me. Nice guy all round lah. Kinda reminds me of Graham and Ben rolled into one. Stable and extremely nice, but a little cheeky and takes care of everything kinda "kor" feel... ut maybe i get that feel because it's my jie...
Rachelle.. such a sweetie pie. I love her for the way she loves my jie... and well, sh'es just fun.
okie.. fingers dying
post again maybe when i'm int he sunny land of florida
Boston is
freezing cold.
other than that. My wonderful jie had graduated from TUFTS U, and will bemoving onto further studies at the Harvard... =) yay.
met my sister's friends.... in particular, Ken and Rachelle
Ken... haha.. scored lots of points with my parents and me. Nice guy all round lah. Kinda reminds me of Graham and Ben rolled into one. Stable and extremely nice, but a little cheeky and takes care of everything kinda "kor" feel... ut maybe i get that feel because it's my jie...
Rachelle.. such a sweetie pie. I love her for the way she loves my jie... and well, sh'es just fun.
okie.. fingers dying
post again maybe when i'm int he sunny land of florida
Thursday, May 19, 2005
MIA
Well... yes, i admit it fully. I have been absoultely MIA for the last few weeks. Been a crazy spring and summer semester. I have learnt alot.
BUT... =) PRAISE GOD! The semester is over tomorrow and I will be on my way to Boston for a family vacation that will last an entire 3 weeks. =)
So.... no countdown to going home this time. Though from this day, there's like what 27 days? Hozea and I were counting just yesterday in an attempt to lift my spirits. Haven't slept more than 4 hrs a night for the last 3 nights. My nerves are fried out and my brain? heh. But of course, through it all, I have a sense of peace. God has been so good. providing me with a good friends to help me move to Kathy's, to stay over night and stuff like that.
So... haha... maybe i'll come online once in a while... but for now, =) I'm going to pack up and get out of here. Tons of things to do... as usual!!! I'll see you back home! haha... if you want anything from the US.... better tell me now...
Take care, love you all... and i'll be seeing you in a bit! =)
BUT... =) PRAISE GOD! The semester is over tomorrow and I will be on my way to Boston for a family vacation that will last an entire 3 weeks. =)
So.... no countdown to going home this time. Though from this day, there's like what 27 days? Hozea and I were counting just yesterday in an attempt to lift my spirits. Haven't slept more than 4 hrs a night for the last 3 nights. My nerves are fried out and my brain? heh. But of course, through it all, I have a sense of peace. God has been so good. providing me with a good friends to help me move to Kathy's, to stay over night and stuff like that.
So... haha... maybe i'll come online once in a while... but for now, =) I'm going to pack up and get out of here. Tons of things to do... as usual!!! I'll see you back home! haha... if you want anything from the US.... better tell me now...
Take care, love you all... and i'll be seeing you in a bit! =)
Monday, May 09, 2005
woah... =) it's been at least a week since i've posted... what can i say? this summer is way more packed than my previous summer experience. Maybe it's the pining for home, or maybe it's the fact that i am not enjoying what is being taught. In any case, as per normal, it's hard work.
no life! argh. haha... i've actually had alot of thing on my mind to say, but i mean, really haven't got a chance to talk about it. I mean, talk about it to whom? when? Besides the fact that i'm stuck a couple of thousdand miles, i'm also a couple of hours behind. this makes things hard for everybody!!! somebody has to call, and somebody has to be awake for a conversation to happen.... and that, haha.. does not happen very often.
Doesn't matter! i'll be back in time for church camp! yay! I'm excited about church camp. Really am kinda glad that it's been pushed back, so i could make it... though i really feel the lost for the poly people... but God will make a way if there is such a possibility... haha. i remember skipping JC classes to make it to leaders retreat once. But I was so blessed. And while the thought of combined sermons and all is rather daunting.. it's also exciting. I can imagine the amount of power that is present when a church is united... it's also just more love floating around.. whee... love is so good!
Hmm.. so what have I been doing? Studying, hanging out with Ling and Eileen... hmm... working. It so happens that I am the student working for hte engineering/physics dept which is going up for accreditation.. i spent 5 hours in the office today... typing and such. yup. i dont intend to keep spending so much time, but i somehow do!
okie dokie... will go and rest for a bit. overworked today... =)
no life! argh. haha... i've actually had alot of thing on my mind to say, but i mean, really haven't got a chance to talk about it. I mean, talk about it to whom? when? Besides the fact that i'm stuck a couple of thousdand miles, i'm also a couple of hours behind. this makes things hard for everybody!!! somebody has to call, and somebody has to be awake for a conversation to happen.... and that, haha.. does not happen very often.
Doesn't matter! i'll be back in time for church camp! yay! I'm excited about church camp. Really am kinda glad that it's been pushed back, so i could make it... though i really feel the lost for the poly people... but God will make a way if there is such a possibility... haha. i remember skipping JC classes to make it to leaders retreat once. But I was so blessed. And while the thought of combined sermons and all is rather daunting.. it's also exciting. I can imagine the amount of power that is present when a church is united... it's also just more love floating around.. whee... love is so good!
Hmm.. so what have I been doing? Studying, hanging out with Ling and Eileen... hmm... working. It so happens that I am the student working for hte engineering/physics dept which is going up for accreditation.. i spent 5 hours in the office today... typing and such. yup. i dont intend to keep spending so much time, but i somehow do!
okie dokie... will go and rest for a bit. overworked today... =)
Sunday, May 01, 2005
moved!
so instead of enjoying the last four days after my exams... i have been... MOVING! yup, out of my fall/spring room to my summer room. =) I'm sharing this room with eileen (see picture) for 17 days... haha.. then we MOVE out again! argh.. i hate moving... gives me alot of stress...
here's eileen looking miserable of the unpacking to do, after all the packing..
new room
me? I'm the worse for wear. I've done all the moving completely on my own. Have got myself really sore arms, legs and back... couple of bruises (one huge bump on my shin), cuts and more. I'm pretty tired out, and cant believe that summer school starts tomorrow... and in 19 days i'll be off with my family in Boston. Till then i have as usual... tons of work! haha... whats new right? This year I have er... 3 classes... compared to last years' 5! so not so bad. gotta brush up on my french though.
Il faut que je parlerait francais parce-que je doit prend classe francaise quand l'annee dernier?
heh.. *hug*
here's eileen looking miserable of the unpacking to do, after all the packing..
new room
me? I'm the worse for wear. I've done all the moving completely on my own. Have got myself really sore arms, legs and back... couple of bruises (one huge bump on my shin), cuts and more. I'm pretty tired out, and cant believe that summer school starts tomorrow... and in 19 days i'll be off with my family in Boston. Till then i have as usual... tons of work! haha... whats new right? This year I have er... 3 classes... compared to last years' 5! so not so bad. gotta brush up on my french though.
Il faut que je parlerait francais parce-que je doit prend classe francaise quand l'annee dernier?
heh.. *hug*
Monday, April 25, 2005
SEE SEE!
driver license!
Praise God! I'm so excited... that it's finally over, that i dont have this burden on my shoulders! I can drive! haha... (i was so excited i almost posted it with all my information on there!!! but thankfully remembered in time to smudge it all)
in the midst of all my exams.. all I can say is...
"Oh Lord, how you bless me!"
I know i've done so many things wrong... i've been stressed and angry and mad and sad and well... in all my "despiteness" God, is still God. How blessed am I, that I am not the one in charge? I'd wreck my entire life just the way i've wrecked... well... just the way i've wrecked my relationships with some and stuff.
By the way? I know I'm not supposed to email till after my exam is over... but I want to say sorry first. I truly dont understand what is going on, but I think it's the not understanding that is my fault... so yeah. I can't make everything better, but I will be praying for you and your finals, and hopefully that everything will be perfected in God's timing.
Saturday, April 23, 2005
gosh... i'm angry... haha.. maybe i need to go for some of the anger management classes that I work with at my practicum site. I think i've handled them pretty well though.
I'm angry that my teachers don't seem to care about how much load their students can take without breaking down and have their brains fried. I mean literally fried. It's ridiculous and I know it, but it's my what.. hundred thousand dollar education and I have to accept that God is bigger than their assignments and finals.
I'm really sad. I guess i should have known better... and not tried to care for everyone and probably end up hurting everyone instead. But... my intentions were miscontrued.. and gosh. that's just not fair! I dunno.. i guess i feel that i spent all the time, effort, money and everything... to show someone I cared... not to get whacked for the.. ARGH!!! ok.. i'm stressed and defensive and it probably isn't a big deal. What i cant figure out is... does she really think i'm that callous? or is it just her self-esteem. Neither is really a good answer...
okie.. sorry for that. =) haha. am i ok i guess i wil be in about 4 dyas when this craziness is over and I can just er... throw myself into another kinda of hecticness.
I'm angry that my teachers don't seem to care about how much load their students can take without breaking down and have their brains fried. I mean literally fried. It's ridiculous and I know it, but it's my what.. hundred thousand dollar education and I have to accept that God is bigger than their assignments and finals.
I'm really sad. I guess i should have known better... and not tried to care for everyone and probably end up hurting everyone instead. But... my intentions were miscontrued.. and gosh. that's just not fair! I dunno.. i guess i feel that i spent all the time, effort, money and everything... to show someone I cared... not to get whacked for the.. ARGH!!! ok.. i'm stressed and defensive and it probably isn't a big deal. What i cant figure out is... does she really think i'm that callous? or is it just her self-esteem. Neither is really a good answer...
okie.. sorry for that. =) haha. am i ok i guess i wil be in about 4 dyas when this craziness is over and I can just er... throw myself into another kinda of hecticness.
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
been a while since i updated huh? haha... guess why?
good guess! it's finals next week... haha.. needless to say, i'm taxed, stress and desiring to simply sleep. I actually need to be doing alot of things, but am putting them off.
well. the countdown is what?
57 days to singapore,
31 days to end of school
9 days to finals
i know, counting down makes me happy.
I failed my driving test! argh
so so insane. I'm slightly bloated and emotional right now, i think i will go and hide under the covers till i'm ready to face the world.
you know? it's one of those weeks that a simple "i can't talk to you" can make me cry... or stupid things like forgetting to transfer money so that i'm running into deficit in my bank account, or not collecting my cheque, or not finishing my essay, or argh! stuff lah. well.. suffice to say that the tears come like *snap* haha. take it as a warning... this week, unless you love me a whole bunch, stay away. haha. not that any of you are anywhere near me anyway right?
good guess! it's finals next week... haha.. needless to say, i'm taxed, stress and desiring to simply sleep. I actually need to be doing alot of things, but am putting them off.
well. the countdown is what?
57 days to singapore,
31 days to end of school
9 days to finals
i know, counting down makes me happy.
I failed my driving test! argh
so so insane. I'm slightly bloated and emotional right now, i think i will go and hide under the covers till i'm ready to face the world.
you know? it's one of those weeks that a simple "i can't talk to you" can make me cry... or stupid things like forgetting to transfer money so that i'm running into deficit in my bank account, or not collecting my cheque, or not finishing my essay, or argh! stuff lah. well.. suffice to say that the tears come like *snap* haha. take it as a warning... this week, unless you love me a whole bunch, stay away. haha. not that any of you are anywhere near me anyway right?
Sunday, April 10, 2005
i'm much better now. =) Thanks for all the concern guys...
It;s been a crazy week.. especially for someone just recovering from the fever. But then again, it was cos of the fever that I had piled-up work and hence a busy busy busy week. Not to say that this week is not going to be busy. What on earth am I talking about?
Well, currently, I am putting off writing my 15 page paper. I have about 3 pages... well-written. and about a 1 1/2 pages of ramblings.. I am determined to write at least up to 7 pages tonight... and then tomorrow morning, another 2, afternoon another 5 and then finish off with another 2 at night, plus the checking.
this means I should not be here rambling away. But I am! heh. I shall put up pics soon... but I had a great weekend. Jireh, most wonderfullest JC friend that even existed. =P came down to visit me... and well, it was good. It wasn't "it was a blast!" good... it was "sigh, *smile*" good.. we talked alot... and still had more to say lah.. of course. but i mean... after not having seen her for two years... it did me alot of good to have her with me... to encourage me. She is such a blessing!
and more stuff lah. Darren (kor kor!) heh, came back to Tulsa for this weekend, and was absolutely great in taking us out... brought Eileen and I to the mall too. He's awesome lah. I mean... haha.. metrosexual maybe... but he's really nice about letting us shop, helping us get what we need... and despite the fact that he doesn;t talk much, i like being around him. He's that kinda of guy you can call and know that everything will be alright.
For that matter, so is Ronald. Maybe he's deprived of younger sisters.. but yeah. This weekend, he sacrificed Ling's apartment so that Jireh and I could spend the night there (she's not allowed to sleep in the dorms). And he was SO nice about it too... even sent us there himself.
Haha... yeah. God has been good to me lah. Maybe the reason why I am slacking right now. =P After getting through last week, I feel like there's nothing that can stop me. Tomorrow night, and possibly Tuesday morning, I might be desperately working on my paper. Argh. for now, I am mildly content to say "Thank You God".
You know? It's 2 more weeks to finals... which will be over in 3 days. So the official countdown goes.... 17 days to end of semester, 37 days to family holiday and 66 days to Singapore.
Well.. of course I will be immediately off to Malacca, then KL, then Sabah... before returning home for a longer period of time... but wow. I know to you guys it's a bunch of numbers, but to me, it means something more.
Knowing that the end is in sight. That there are no longer infinite days to be waiting. It really eases some of my burdens. You all know how much I miss home, miss my friends, miss my food, miss my church! yes.... heh. since I'm ranting, and raving. I might as well go ahead and miss away.
I miss...
breakfast in the morning with cherie: hearing good news, sharing good news, praising God.
worship on sunday: whether leading with Ivin, or standing next to Becks, singing away.
dtc and the great discussions we can get into when we are actually trying to learn
sunday lunches with hazel and the rest... tomyam or fish soup
sunday afternoons with hozea... just hanging out
saturday mornings and worship practices
BAY and the entirity of the afternoon being taken away
my cell girls and their sincerity, and their open-ness
Captain's ball
Dinner at night: hot and sweaty, but really great fellowship
stayover at becks' house: whether we talk all night, or we crash and fall asleep...
friday leader meetings.
and then more...
endless vcd watchings with my jie, with dark chocolate, fruits, bread and butter... and i-spy
reading books in the library
marine parade
watching movies and squirming at the horrible scenes
seeing cute things that i want to buy
eating peanut pancake... and waffle!!! argh...
milk tea, teh-c, teh-bing, green tea, chrysenthemum tea...
cycling under the stars
sitting on swings
early morning breakfasts alone at Blk 156
sigh. =) Well, i know that when i go home, there'll be things i miss here too... maybe not so much, but i cant say I wont miss the open skies, the squirrels... =)
It;s been a crazy week.. especially for someone just recovering from the fever. But then again, it was cos of the fever that I had piled-up work and hence a busy busy busy week. Not to say that this week is not going to be busy. What on earth am I talking about?
Well, currently, I am putting off writing my 15 page paper. I have about 3 pages... well-written. and about a 1 1/2 pages of ramblings.. I am determined to write at least up to 7 pages tonight... and then tomorrow morning, another 2, afternoon another 5 and then finish off with another 2 at night, plus the checking.
this means I should not be here rambling away. But I am! heh. I shall put up pics soon... but I had a great weekend. Jireh, most wonderfullest JC friend that even existed. =P came down to visit me... and well, it was good. It wasn't "it was a blast!" good... it was "sigh, *smile*" good.. we talked alot... and still had more to say lah.. of course. but i mean... after not having seen her for two years... it did me alot of good to have her with me... to encourage me. She is such a blessing!
and more stuff lah. Darren (kor kor!) heh, came back to Tulsa for this weekend, and was absolutely great in taking us out... brought Eileen and I to the mall too. He's awesome lah. I mean... haha.. metrosexual maybe... but he's really nice about letting us shop, helping us get what we need... and despite the fact that he doesn;t talk much, i like being around him. He's that kinda of guy you can call and know that everything will be alright.
For that matter, so is Ronald. Maybe he's deprived of younger sisters.. but yeah. This weekend, he sacrificed Ling's apartment so that Jireh and I could spend the night there (she's not allowed to sleep in the dorms). And he was SO nice about it too... even sent us there himself.
Haha... yeah. God has been good to me lah. Maybe the reason why I am slacking right now. =P After getting through last week, I feel like there's nothing that can stop me. Tomorrow night, and possibly Tuesday morning, I might be desperately working on my paper. Argh. for now, I am mildly content to say "Thank You God".
You know? It's 2 more weeks to finals... which will be over in 3 days. So the official countdown goes.... 17 days to end of semester, 37 days to family holiday and 66 days to Singapore.
Well.. of course I will be immediately off to Malacca, then KL, then Sabah... before returning home for a longer period of time... but wow. I know to you guys it's a bunch of numbers, but to me, it means something more.
Knowing that the end is in sight. That there are no longer infinite days to be waiting. It really eases some of my burdens. You all know how much I miss home, miss my friends, miss my food, miss my church! yes.... heh. since I'm ranting, and raving. I might as well go ahead and miss away.
I miss...
breakfast in the morning with cherie: hearing good news, sharing good news, praising God.
worship on sunday: whether leading with Ivin, or standing next to Becks, singing away.
dtc and the great discussions we can get into when we are actually trying to learn
sunday lunches with hazel and the rest... tomyam or fish soup
sunday afternoons with hozea... just hanging out
saturday mornings and worship practices
BAY and the entirity of the afternoon being taken away
my cell girls and their sincerity, and their open-ness
Captain's ball
Dinner at night: hot and sweaty, but really great fellowship
stayover at becks' house: whether we talk all night, or we crash and fall asleep...
friday leader meetings.
and then more...
endless vcd watchings with my jie, with dark chocolate, fruits, bread and butter... and i-spy
reading books in the library
marine parade
watching movies and squirming at the horrible scenes
seeing cute things that i want to buy
eating peanut pancake... and waffle!!! argh...
milk tea, teh-c, teh-bing, green tea, chrysenthemum tea...
cycling under the stars
sitting on swings
early morning breakfasts alone at Blk 156
sigh. =) Well, i know that when i go home, there'll be things i miss here too... maybe not so much, but i cant say I wont miss the open skies, the squirrels... =)
Saturday, April 02, 2005
Friday, April 01, 2005
Eileen turning 21...
eileen and me
me in the restaurant
elaine, yiling, eileen (try saying that fast!)
yay. back in my room!
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
lesson learnt
I can't control my future
I can't decide my destiny
for goodness sake,
I can't even say what the weather will be tomorrow!
I can control one very important thing,
I can determine my choice.
and today, I choose to let what I can't control
fortify my faith instead of feeding my fear.
I can't decide my destiny
for goodness sake,
I can't even say what the weather will be tomorrow!
I can control one very important thing,
I can determine my choice.
and today, I choose to let what I can't control
fortify my faith instead of feeding my fear.
Ginny Owens, If You Want Me To
The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason,
Why You brought me here
But just because You love me
The way that You do,
I'm going to walk through this valley
If You want me to
Now I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise
That You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials
Bring me closer to You
I will go through the fire
If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When You lead me through a world that not my own
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone
So if the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I cant hear You answer
My cries for help
I'll remember the suffering
Your love put You through,
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to.
A song that has kept me breathing when everything around me crumbles, a song I can sing with understanding because the valley is the present. But a song I can sing with joy, because there's a hope that He, is not through with me yet.
The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason,
Why You brought me here
But just because You love me
The way that You do,
I'm going to walk through this valley
If You want me to
Now I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise
That You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials
Bring me closer to You
I will go through the fire
If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When You lead me through a world that not my own
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone
So if the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I cant hear You answer
My cries for help
I'll remember the suffering
Your love put You through,
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to.
A song that has kept me breathing when everything around me crumbles, a song I can sing with understanding because the valley is the present. But a song I can sing with joy, because there's a hope that He, is not through with me yet.
Sunday, March 27, 2005
haven't updated in a long while... it's been strange. It's hectic, but slow-going. Maybe all the hectic activity is inside my head. I have SO much work to do, and yet it is being done... God is amazing... that's all I can testify to. Because when i think about it carefully... I'm still sitting here, wishing I could be something else, yet the work is getting done.
I'm starting to LOVE weekends. They never used to be any different for me... I'd work through them just as if they were school days without school. It's not like I don't do that now.. i just work through them and take long breaks in between, to nap, read, chat and stuff.
things to get done (so I can see it)
Research Paper on Physical Environment with Presentation (by 5 April)
Evaluation Paper for Group Dynamics (by 5 April)
Aesthetics Paper on Christianity and Art (by 11 April)
Response Paper for HUM 350 (by 15 April)
Policy Analysis Paper (by 15 April?)
So yeah.. those are the major papers. For most of the classes, there's only going to be the final left (yay!)... so now it's just plodding through slowly... because I mean, I have school in between now and those dealines, which make them so much closer! don't you think.
Taking time in between though. I'm struck by something. I can't imagine, the emotions of God... when He takes me into His arms. I've walked away, ran away... sometimes even tripped and fell away... and yet, again and again, though He sees me for who I am. Empty, weak, sinful and poor... He takes me back. That's the wonder of it all, he didn't just sacrifice His blood... He sacrificed his dignity... It was not just physical pain... which was hellish, I'm sure... but it was emotional. It was willingly being mocked and ridiculed for choosing to love me. Now after all that, can I still turn my head away? I can't.
I'm starting to LOVE weekends. They never used to be any different for me... I'd work through them just as if they were school days without school. It's not like I don't do that now.. i just work through them and take long breaks in between, to nap, read, chat and stuff.
things to get done (so I can see it)
Research Paper on Physical Environment with Presentation (by 5 April)
Evaluation Paper for Group Dynamics (by 5 April)
Aesthetics Paper on Christianity and Art (by 11 April)
Response Paper for HUM 350 (by 15 April)
Policy Analysis Paper (by 15 April?)
So yeah.. those are the major papers. For most of the classes, there's only going to be the final left (yay!)... so now it's just plodding through slowly... because I mean, I have school in between now and those dealines, which make them so much closer! don't you think.
Taking time in between though. I'm struck by something. I can't imagine, the emotions of God... when He takes me into His arms. I've walked away, ran away... sometimes even tripped and fell away... and yet, again and again, though He sees me for who I am. Empty, weak, sinful and poor... He takes me back. That's the wonder of it all, he didn't just sacrifice His blood... He sacrificed his dignity... It was not just physical pain... which was hellish, I'm sure... but it was emotional. It was willingly being mocked and ridiculed for choosing to love me. Now after all that, can I still turn my head away? I can't.
Sunday, March 20, 2005
AMAZING!
Amazing Love
I'm forgiven because You were forsaken
I'm accepted, You were condemned
And I'm alive and well, Your Spirit lives within me
Because You died and rose again.
Amazing Love
How can it be
That You, my King would die for me
Amazing Love
I know it's true
And it's my joy to honor You
In all I do, I honor You.
I think... I think I take being alive and well for granted. But truly being alive isn't about existing, it's about existing with meaning. That's what sets life apart from non-life. I know I can be passionate about alot of things, and some of them seem like godly ambitions, and some of them secular. But it's what i'm passionate about that makes me live. I am passionate about God... but i'm passionate about Singapore, about relationships, about helping, about art... but my purpose? I guess it's to honor God. Can I do it? I hope so... but not by my own willpower. By my own strength, i'd be lying in my bed failing again and again. I'd be cranky, snap at loved ones, have nervous breakdowns, walk around in a daze and never seem to kick the guilt feeling and find peace. But with God, it has already been done. He died, to give me life, not an existence... but a purposeful life. It has been done.
Is is really my joy to honor Him. To be honest, that takes time. I can't say that I don't enjoy serving God... I do, I love ministering... but it's not just about being in church with people I love and can pour out into. It's more. Honoring God with joy means sitting in Tulsa with joy, it means studying with joy, it means talking to my parents with joy, it means connecting with my friends with joy, it means living out my responsibilities with joy... maybe it even means missing home with joy. Lately... that's not been happening! BUT! I'm claiming my joy back, i'm leaning on Him. I want to be able to be real about the joy inside of me.. it's welling up!
I'm holding nothing back
I give you every part
My soul has been released
Your love has captured my heart...
I'm forgiven because You were forsaken
I'm accepted, You were condemned
And I'm alive and well, Your Spirit lives within me
Because You died and rose again.
Amazing Love
How can it be
That You, my King would die for me
Amazing Love
I know it's true
And it's my joy to honor You
In all I do, I honor You.
I think... I think I take being alive and well for granted. But truly being alive isn't about existing, it's about existing with meaning. That's what sets life apart from non-life. I know I can be passionate about alot of things, and some of them seem like godly ambitions, and some of them secular. But it's what i'm passionate about that makes me live. I am passionate about God... but i'm passionate about Singapore, about relationships, about helping, about art... but my purpose? I guess it's to honor God. Can I do it? I hope so... but not by my own willpower. By my own strength, i'd be lying in my bed failing again and again. I'd be cranky, snap at loved ones, have nervous breakdowns, walk around in a daze and never seem to kick the guilt feeling and find peace. But with God, it has already been done. He died, to give me life, not an existence... but a purposeful life. It has been done.
Is is really my joy to honor Him. To be honest, that takes time. I can't say that I don't enjoy serving God... I do, I love ministering... but it's not just about being in church with people I love and can pour out into. It's more. Honoring God with joy means sitting in Tulsa with joy, it means studying with joy, it means talking to my parents with joy, it means connecting with my friends with joy, it means living out my responsibilities with joy... maybe it even means missing home with joy. Lately... that's not been happening! BUT! I'm claiming my joy back, i'm leaning on Him. I want to be able to be real about the joy inside of me.. it's welling up!
I'm holding nothing back
I give you every part
My soul has been released
Your love has captured my heart...
Friday, March 18, 2005
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