sunday

I was struck by one thing in my text book... which is that as Christians, we often think that we have to be perfect, and have to portray perfect. Truth is that while God intends us to live a victorious life, it doesn't always work out that way. And we need to be honest with that, and then learn to share it, learn to give it back to God, learn to let go... learn to be broken.

I think i struggle with that alot, to be honest. So here's an entry from my heart. I'm not perfect... but I strive... but meanwhile, I can stumble and stumble and its ok.

Today, for example, I am awfully lonely. I miss my morning teh-C/breakfast with cherie. I miss sitting in the worship hall and waiting for people to arrive, I miss worshipping with people i love, I miss sitting next to a sleepy becky... I miss being able to say "we" instead of "i" in songs, I miss looking at familiar faces, I miss rushing down to find my grandma, I miss tea fellowship and meeting random aunties who ask after my parents. I miss sunday school, and the loitering with others before and after. I miss hozea and the time we spend on sundays . It's not like i'm all alone here, but it certainly feels like I am. Everything today is almost a buzz... my mind, alot of it was in conversation (or whining) with God. WHY? WHY? WHY? why am I here? why am I not home? why is home so far? and yet, I know the answer.

"I am here" "I called you here" "There's something for you here" "You're learning more than you would" "Stop being selfish, get out of your comfort zone" "Stop whining, you are getting what every other student in Singapore wants" "I love you, I'm with you..." "I'll give you strength to get through" "Use this to glorify me" "Get equipped!"

Is there resolution? I think i'm stable... God is good, and I am rather base... but for God's amazing grace, I am alive and loved... and I can learn to deal with it.