I've been away for 18 days but it feels much longer. I'm not even sure what is happening in Singapore because I can only read blogs that are not on wordpress... and I can't even access the links of my friends because I don't remember them! (they're all stored on my blog which I can't get into)
I'm walking further and further away from my comfort zone, and into the "realm of the unknown", hoping and trusting that He is there, holding my hand. Leaving work was easy... possibly cos Jo and Eileen were not around and I was happy to leave the frustrating environment. Leaving my family at home was not so bad... maybe because it was very late, maybe because I've kinda left them for a long while, maybe because they've got their own things to do. Saying goodbye to church friends in malacca and at the airport was also not that bad... possibly because I got to take alot of my friends with me!
Trying to say goodbye to hozea was difficult. I cried... and almost cried again when I left him at the airport... It's not easy choosing to be in different country... and if I could be with him and do His will at the same time then I would. But we figured that part of my walk is walking apart from hozea at time. How can I bear it? grace and love... just like many other things in my life. I am very grateful for someone who releases me to walk in obedience and supports me and loves me, even though i've "abandoned" him in Singapore. It's just 3 months, we'll have the rest of our lives to make it up. =)
Saying bye to the China team before we headed to Shen Zhen and Hong Kong was kinda rushed and surreal. I actually can't believe that I won't talk to hazel for like 2 months! Eeps. but now that I think about it, I won't talk to any of the church people for about that period of time! Whoa... but without Kel in Hong Kong and Shen Zhen we were like fish out of water. It was honestly the hardest thing to leave Joel, Ben, Gabs and Cheryl in Hong Kong though... I hugged Cheryl, the boys prayed for me, and I walked off... sobbing and trying to hold it in. I think up to that point, i've been graciously buffered by having people around me.
Now, alone at home finally in a long while, I must confess I feel it. I miss hozea and wonder where on earth he is right now, cos my msges are not being replied. I miss all my BA people... and i think often about what is going on there- especially with Serene, my nurture class, the girls, cherie, the leaders... I miss Eileen and Jo very much... and I miss my jie and bro.
Yet I persist. I'm not whining or complaining because this is my journey to learn what walking in Him is like... Paul's experiences show me that there is so much to discover about Him when I go. So I went and I'm going and I will be gone! But I carry all of you in my heart.
