I miss you. I feel like such a wimp for saying so... but I do! I miss you!!!

I need to talk to someone.... like talk.... I haven't sat down, chatted on the phone about everything and anything for a long time.... at least long enough for me to want to pick up a phone and call someone.

and i'm really tired. theres just too much work to do.

thank God for Daddy.

I haven't talked to my Dad in ages... like seriously talked? probably since beginning June when I left Sabah. Other than that.... he has not said more than 5 sentences... and they run in this order

1) Are you ok? we haven't heard from you in a long while
2) Must take care of your health ok?
3) Do you have a place to stay this december?
4) We praise God for the good grades you have
5) I love you, bye!

But... i saw him online today, and with the new webcam, I invited my Daddy to see me! and it churned out some interesting msges...

"I want to see how my lovely daughter looks like"
"hello, keep smiling"
"looks like you close eyes"
"Hello why frowning?"
"small eyes but beautiful" (when I said I didn't close my eyes, they were just small)
"hello, you yawning?"

haha... it was hilarious.... just cos he reacted to every move I made! But more than that.... evern though it made me feel slightly awkward, he called me lovely! and thinks my tiny eyes are beautiful. and you know? if nobody else on earth thought that, then at least one very important person thinks so.... even if he might be slightly biased.

at least, I.... chen en'ai jeanette... unsophisticated, kinda klutzy, and just not picture perfect....
at least I am lovely to someone...

thank you HOZEA!

how can i thank you enough??? argh!!! thanks so much for giving me the webcam... it's SUCH a blessing!!!

today... i did bible study with serene.... and I mean.. we got to talk.. like a phone, but without the phone! It was so awesome...

and then... eileen and I... we just had so much fun and laughs... send me rolling on the floor cos it was just so funny....

and Kel.. and Kevin too... got to play with it a bit. I wish you could see it yourself though... =) soon ok? a couple more days till you are out of army!

and well... just.. =) thank you.......... You've blessed me so so so much!!! er.... I dunno what to say!

And thank you God... =) cos I know You give such good gifts.... Hozea is definately one of them... and so is the webcam...

You can love someone, and not show it.
You can love someone, and try not to show it.
You can love someone and show it.

and even though the important part... the love... which is substance is there... what you do with it makes the difference.

how fun!

http://www.mrpicassohead.com/

do something fun.... destress... play ART.

talking voices

something hazel said to me this morning has been echoing around in my head all day... and it got me thinking about some very interesting things.

"but was brightened again when you called... i recognized your voice straight away... its un mistakable"
9/26/20048:09:55 AM - Hazel

And I was just thinking to myself, how great it would be if God's voice was unmistakable, because right now, I really want to hear somethings from God. That got me thinking some more... which i'll just share here. Read up, cos if you talked to me, your name may come up!

1) We can recognise our close friend's voices... there wont be any confusion if you have spent enough time talking to the person, and frequently enough so that you have a good understanding of what he or she sounds like. Like how Hazel said... it's unmistakable. And with God, it works the same way too... if I want to hear God's voice, and be sure it's His, I need to spend enough time with Him to learn how He speaks...

2) When you spend enough time with a person, you begin to sound like them. I talked to Ben, and he asked me "So, how are you?" in a way that sounded exactly like Kel. I think that that relates to God too... the more time you talk to Him, the more you'll sound like Him to other people.

3) There are friends that you can talk to anytime, about anything and even non-endings become part of the conversation. Becky and I just started yakking away till she had to leave... and I felt like the conversation wasn't finished... but just to get 3 minutes with her was such a treat! I think that conversations with God don't have to be long ones... anytime you want to talk, He'll be excited to talk... He'll understand when you are rushing, but wants to hear about your rush anyway...

4) Talking... there are different levels. You can talk to someone and care for them and want to share what is happening and do that, but you don't connect. Sometimes you can get so focussed on what is wrong in the relationship, that you forget about getting the relationship to work. I spoke to someone today like that.... I think sometimes I get so hung up on "oh I'm not hearing God" that I forget to be still, and just know that He is God and I just need to approach Him.

5) Sometimes you miss a chance to talk to a person, but you get another chance. I missed Serene at the coffeeshop handphone passing around time, but she was online in the morning! I think sometimes we miss a chance to hear God's voice.... but we'll hear it again, maybe not in the same way, but just cos we missed one time doesn't mean He'll stop speaking.

6) Sometimes content is less important than the act of hearing and speaking. I spoke to a lot of wonderful people... and honestly, all I did was ask how they were... but getting to be in touch... that was significant. There are times when we have nothing to tell God about, then... we can just talk about not very deep things... but making the time and making the effort to be able to hear Him... that is more important.

Hmm... well, that's about all i'm thinking about right now... sorry if they don't all have to do with voices and talking, my thoughts wander alot! =)

But I know what i'm going to do... is get a little more time with God! hearing His voice and talking to Him=)

yay for Cedar....

"The banding of secondary schools is out, replacing school ranking tables which line up the academic performance of schools. In the top tier are Cedar Girls', CHIJ St Nicholas, River Valley High and Singapore Chinese Girls'. "
- Channel News Asia

OK.. i'm not a very good alumni of Cedar.... to put it bluntly, i've never been back to Cedar after I left except to collect my O level cert. Oh wait... i did not do that either! I got a friend to pick that up for me... =P I intended to though... haha. But. I'm still glad that they are doing well!

It was a pretty good school... in restrospect. It was there I learnt my discipline and hard work... and there I met Lisha, Chu Hua, Geri, Qiu and a couple of other people that have changed my life. I've never been much of a school person though.... But HURRAY for Cedar anyway!

talk to the world.

i talked to...

• kel
• hozzy
• benben
• becks
• abby
• hazel
• hozea
• timo
• mike
• dom

gosh.... I miss you guys (generic term please...) like crazy... cant imagine how happy I was to hear your voices, and hear how you were.... and strangely enough.. find that I have a larger blog audience thatn I ever realised! Well, that's awesome... because I put this blog up so that I could keep in touch with people back home... and I'm glad it's happening!

JOEL!!! =) Hallo! thanks for tagging.... eh.. next time I call... grab the phone ok? actually... it's just that last night I was very tired... so I could only talk to specific people... cos I wanted to sleep... this morning ah.. I woke up and have black circles... =P that's ok...

How am I? this week is slightly better and less stressful I think. I have an honors exam on tues which will be interesting because we dont really understand what they want to test us on...

ok guys! to church!
love you all!!

when we get married...

serene wants to be my bridesmaid. =)

i so rarely get a chance to talk to serene, and chatting to her was really good... but somewhere in our conversation we somehow got onto this topic.... so.... lets see

I want to help choose the songs that will play. I forsee that they will mostly be jazz or swing... sinatra, armstrong, and more...

I want a say in the decorating of the hall... if I had time, I think i'd like to do it myself actually.... same for the wedding invites and all... except photographs... can't take a pictures of myself...

I want my family there. My grandparents, parents and jie and brother especially.

Becky will be there. She may or may not sing a silly song... but she will be there.

I want to sing a song. =)

dont discount me as frivolous and the whole planning-my-wedding-before-i-meet-my-guy syndrome.... I just talked to serene and it sparked these random thoughts. Which are kinda interesting... it's not a big deal to me right now...

who is the other half in the "we"? and "when"? haha.. i dunno... not now, or in the near future.... I dont even know who you are yet... come find me!!! oh.. wait.... wait till 2005... or whenever God sends you. =)


and by the way, i'm still really tired. so this is a disclaimer.... if i dont make sense, ignore me.

funny random thoughts and things that have happened.... maybe not so funny ones too...

1) I got asked if I was interested in "hooking up" with a friend of this guy (whom i've met only once) because he really "digs" asian girls... and I'm a "nice asian girl". So... "you interested"???
that freaked me out big time... but i TRIED to gracefully decline.... probably ended up looking like a sputtering 6 year old... but that's ok. It was just hilariously random, yet freaky.

2) I've done my design project wrong, not once, not twice.... but three times! I keep making mistakes.... and I can't figure out why... But that's ok... cos my professors has been really nice and accomdating... haha.. he says he admires my "tenacity". I think he was just sick of seeing me at his door for the 3rd time saying "Mr Latta... I did it wrong again...."

3) This guy from my church here in tulsa, asks Eileen who he's met like 3 times... if there was anything going on between me and another guy! Haha.. and i think thats really random because... firstly.... the guy who asked eileen? I mean, he's never asked me! secondly... there's nothing going on. Of course... evil Eileen was like "you think leh??" and played around with him a bit till he got frustrated. I think guys are so weird sometimes.

4) I am going to get some time to drive today! that was random. Yiling just popped by to tell me that. Now, that's really on the spur of the moment....

5) I am so tired nowadays that i encounter alot of miscommunication. Like people say things and I get upset and then somewhere during the next day or what I figure out that it was all a big mistake. So... note to all out there... if you say something to me? say it TWICE. and then check if i understand you right. =)

ok... and now for the concluding thought of the day. I miss home. I wanna go home.... fall is apparently here and thank God the cold weather wont come for a couple more weeks... BUT. It's not just the weather. It's the people. And I miss home... and when I'm in a mood like this, I can almost justify the $1300 that it would take to get me back. BUT. well, eileen and I aren't going home, and I only have a little more than 7 months to bear it out. 3 1/2 months have gone by pretty fast... so... =) God is good. Therefore everything in my life will align to that!

seeya! bye!

gosh.... i've cried twice today. I feel so weak and useless.... and all i want is someone to listen to me and let me know that everything I am going through, well it's only human and that they'll be there just to hear me out. It's s hard to actually find someone who is willing to look past their own problems to listen to mine. I know... cos i find it hard to do too...

I guess that's why God is God. Because only He can give perfect love.

STAY AWAKE

it's not VERY late.... just about 12:30am. But i'm exhausted. Eyelids heavy, neck tensed, headache bearing exhausted. What am i still doing awake? Waiting for a friend to come and interview me for some work she needs to do. What i did today

6:00 am - woke up
6:30 am - QT
7:00 am- breakfast
7:20 am- work at physics dept as clerical assistant
8:50 am- social work practice 1 class
9:50 am- social work practice 2 class
10:50 am- chapel
12:00am- prepare to go to practicum site
12:30 am- lunch
1:30 pm- Walmart to buy stuff for class later
2:00 pm- arrive at Marshall Elementary School
2:15 pm: meeting with supervisor
2:45 pm: meeting with counsellor
3:00pm: prepping for class
3:30 pm: 14 7-yr olds, me and 3 volunteers do finger painting
4:40 pm: 8 8-yr olds, alyse, me and 3 volunteers with nature painting
6:00pm: head home, gulp down fruits for dinner
6:30pm: graphic design class cancelled
7:00pm: work on APA retreat group sign instead (unfinished)
10:30pm: shower
11:00pm: do hw
12:00pm: read text
and... that leaves me somewhere around here.... in between there, a couple of stressful things.

Biggest one is that my friend couldn't get her project done and i needed to help her with photoshop and editing stuff while i was with carolyn working on the sign. Felt kinda down about my practicum.... kids had alot of fun... but Alsye thinks i let them walk all over me. Other stuff I cant think about right now... my shoulders ache...

and thanks for bearing with me. I needed to vent

ohkay.. she came and so we're done.
1:10am: to bed.

4 and 3/4 hours to rest for another long day that will end at 11pm too.

it's been a good day!

I am blessed.

Thank you Melissa for giving me your pink blouse... just because I liked it. =) You have encouraged me and shown me that I am loved on my wing.

Thank you Jiejie... for the parcel, full of wonderful stuff from home. I love you, and miss you alot.

Thank you Serene, for chatting to me, for giving me good news... =)

Thank you Eileen, for sharing my joy with the parcel, for being a friend in this lonely land, and for letting me use your printer to print my graphic design homework.

Thank you Cassie, for buying me lunch today.

and... Thank you God, for all these wonderful people that You provided for me. Your little messages of love... I know I am loved, and that makes the most tiring day more than bearable!

God giveth and He taketh away, blessed be the name of
the Lord.

Something Becky brought up made me wanna scribble for a bit.

People make their entrances in my life. I have so much to thank for those entrances... friends here at tulsa... I guess I could name them of on my fingers... close ones at least. He brought Eileen, Yiling, Elaine, Jennifer, Chris and Mason, Amanda, Johanna, Julie, Nancy and Adam. That's probably the people who are close to me here.. and when I say close... it's relative. Like... they know my name, where I come from, what I study =) and then they generally know how i'm doing. But really deep stuff.... like understanding me... i haven't found one yet.

And people make their exit. And I am left feeling slightly abandoned, slightly destitute because that little part of me... where our lives have fused and intertwined will not grow anymore. It's not lost, but it wont grow either. And i love them... and so that makes me sad.

And I made my exit. Leaving Singapore didn't mean I lost my best friends, but it meant that keeping in touch was harder. I don't love them any less, and I don't think they love me any less... but its just so much harder to show and receive the love we have.

But God giveth and He taketh away... and I can't control what He decides to give or take away, I can only be ready to receive and ready to release.

something radical

think about this. Be pure... not just for God, yourself, your future spouse... but also for others. It may seem harmless to like someone else and express it through flirting, paying them more attention, writing notes and expressing it. But if you do that... and you begin to lead someone on when you are not ready to be comitted, you are destroying the purity of that person.

Is that important? Well, when I finally get attached, in the distant future, I think I would want to know that my boyfriend has been pure. If he has had other girlfriends, and done other things... I would understand... but I wouldn't be delighted with it. More than that, I would not really be very well-disposed to the girls he was with because they both played around. Make sense? So I can't do anything about the people who I dont know yet in my future, but I can do something now.

I can love my guy friends in a good way. Even if I like them. I can love them enough to help them protect their purity for their future wife, since I'm not that girl. Hopefully, some girl out there will make the same loving choice and my future husband will have benifitted because of that. Guys... same thing. You can love the girls around you and help them to stay pure.

Is this random? I dunno.... Julie brought it up the other night, and I just felt it was important to share... I want to be selfless and love others....

praise God!

I have alot to be happy for and praise God for today...
- I got through today alive... and I am going to sleep soon!
- I had so much fun at my practicum. The kids were awesome. sigh... I really love them already!
- I am almost done with my graphic design homework
- I got to eat apple and pineapple. I love apple and pineapple too!
- I really enjoyed praying with my chaplain and RA
- I got a little bit of work done.
- I had chapel today =)

So.. despite the sleepyness, the supervisor who didn't turn up, the late prayer meeting, the freezing cold weather, the friend whose phone was off and the report that was not written... =) I think God is awesome! I can still sleep with praise on my lips. (Psalms says the saints praise him in their beds... I never figured if it meant the dead saints in the gravebeds... or live saints.... but =) I'll praise Him anywhere!)

So God is good. =) and I'm good. For those who are reading this and really concerned about me and my busy life... i love you! Thank you so much for that love.

today...

today... the most exciting thing that happened was...

I talked to my mummy =) That was exciting... of course the content of the phone conversation was not as important as the fact that she was on the other end of the line! Hooray for mums. It has almost been decided though... i think i'm staying in tulsa for Christmas. =) Somebody say hi to me.... and somebody tell me that it'd be alright far away from home...

But it's been a good day. For those people that I got to talk to.... over the phone (jie, dad, mum), over the net (serene, daniel, ben, now isabel...), for people here (yiling, eileen, johanna, amanda and megan) and for people that i thought of but never got to talk to (brother, becks, hozea, kel... and more) I love you all. God has been so good to let me know you, and hearing from you guys has just brought joy to my heart.

so... it's past midnight, and i must stay with my attempt to not sleep too late and get enough rest.... especially cos tomorrow is a long day for me.. 7:30am- 11pm... I have something on... and so.. I'll be up by 6am and dunno when I'll get to bed! Goodnight all!

happy birthday... SERENE!

Well, it's Serene's birthday today =) and so this is a little place in my blog for her.

I thank God for Serene... I still find it amazing how we got to know each other, then drifted apart... and almost 2 years later, God brought us back together again. She's someone that really isn't like me at all, and yet is like me in alot of ways. I think the most important thing... that she and I both want to be godly women. God's love for us, and our love for Him has binded us together.

So... Serene! I just want to say that although we don't get to talk, chat or even write... you are in my prayers. I think that being 21 means more than just the normal laws and stuff... I think it's incredible because its 21 full years of a special and unique life... once lost and now found... and as God would have it, your life daily brings beauty from ashes. You have a wonderful personality... =) smart, sophisticated, independant... and still caring, loving and fun... I appreciate how you see life and how you chase after it. I can't do what you can with words... =) but my sister-in-christ... I appreciate how precious you are... and I just want you to know that.


serene and I

and.... have a blessed birthday!

my love affair.... with earrings

ok... so for those who haven't figured out yet... i'm a big earring fanatic... and while other girls have their purses/handbags, shoes, makeup and a variety of others... I too have my little collection of earrings! haha.. I like them so much!


my earrings!!!

So anyway, this is the bandana with earrings that is now hanging on my wall cos I finally decided that I need to be a little more organised, especially since earrings are so tiny. =)

haha... lets make this a little more interactive... COMMENT me.. or tag me... tell me which is your favorite! =)

more pics...

I know i've been putting up lots of photos.... but well... enjoy it cos when I start writing again, you'll probably get bored!

So... Friday Night... this is what happened... =) sweet story girls... so read and relish!

Amanda's boyfriend Richard flies down to suprise her with a visit (He works in Georgia, we are in Tulsa). As you can see, she is completely shocked. She had no idea... not for the 2 weeks he has been planning with Johanna (good friend, tall girl in black dress on the lower right pic). It was meant to be a girls night out, dress up, make-up, desserts at a restaurant. What she never realised is that he was recreating how they met. See, they had known each other for 4 months before they met face to face... on that day, he got someone to pass her an envelope full of pictures they had sent each other while she was out with her girlfriends. He then turns up with a big bouquet. So this friday night, we head out to TGIF (same restaurant) and he sends an envelope with "2 years later... and still in love with you" written on it with a bunch of their nicest photos. She can't believe her eyes.... and looks frantically around... and there he is!!! with a bouquet... Well.. the best part was the week before, she was telling Jennifer (girl on top right corner) that if she could have anything she wanted, she would want Richard to suprise her with something special....

amanda's suprise

ok... and Eileen's not on my wing, so she didn't come... but we still took a nice pic...

eileen and I

and after all that... eileen and I went to hang out with Kevin who obliged us by playing guitar (my baby taylor by the way...)

kevin

my journal...

the blank new red journal


transformed...

and here's some more "artsy" stuff i've been up to! Bought a pretty red journal at borders, peeled off the sticker and drew on it... haha.. I know its silly to put it up, but pictures are better than me rambling on and on right?