backing off

"Have it your way!" thrown in the face of someone you love could mean frustration, anger and hopelessness. "Have it your way" said with willing hands and a willing heart, means something very different.

I think this morning, i started two fights. I started one between myself and Reason, and I started one between myself and someone I love.

My fight with reason, did not last long.
"Reason? why is it that you are not on my side"
"Why should i be!"
"Why not!!! I make... i have a right to all these things... a right... right?"
"Well... no."
"Well, I don't need you to be on my side. I can do whatever I want... after all, I am a child of God... a princess! Am I not deserving of better?"
"haha... well you a princess? Now that's unreasonable... but you are right. You are a child a God. He doesn't need me on His side... He has his own principles. But you, young lady... you aren't abiding by His either!"
"oh... well I am going to now. *sticks my tongue out at him* I guess I'll do what is right, instead of what I think I will give me what I deserve. but no thanks to you!"
*I toss my head and walk off, leaving reason with his mouth hanging wide open* I think God and him had a deal today...

The second fight... that lasted a bit longer. Because doing what was right in God's sight meant I had to be humble, it meant I would not get what I wanted, it meant I had to let it go. "Have it your way..." I mumbled to God... and reluctantly, I withdrew from my fight. I stepped back, and then forward, this time, armed with gentle encouragement and love instead of hurtful and accusatory words. I guess that fight ended.

This is not to say I am entirely happy with what I did. What I started out with this morning, cannot be erased... it's still there, and even if I do my QT at 4:30am, before I meet anyone else... it's still there. In my heart, I always want my way. And God's way.. at least today, was not my way till me and Reason, we had that little chat...

I figure me not making things hard was good. At least I knew was not cutting down and destroying. Did what I needed, which I thought I deserved, ever get to me? Er... yes, but not in that way. To say the truth, I still want something... but I guess I'll keep giving God His way, and maybe... He'll give me the desires of my heart?