in hibernation.

you know? I think i spend more hours online, in front of my laptop than any other activity. There is nothing so constant as this.

but these next few weeks. till at least nov 24th (thanksgiving break) i've decided that i really need to get down to studying and working hard. I have had 2 Bs for 2 major exams this week, (plus 4 meetings?) and it's essentially crazy. What with me being online all the time, i never can get enough motivation to study well and sleep well.

In the next couple of weeks... I HAVE to
1) finish my story board (11th nov)
2) finish 30 practicum hours (8th dec)
3) finish cd project (12 nov)
4) finish 25 service learning hours (1 dec)
5) finish brochure, slide shoots, digital shoots (3rd dec)

and then the usual weekly assignments and then finals immediately after the 5 day thanksgiving break. Yes... that may be a month away. Praise God that it's 40 days more to getting on the plane. But it's also 40 days of really really tough work.

so. i'm in hibernation. if you see me online. IGNORE me. please? email me if you need me... i still wanna be here for you. but for my sake, dont chat to me.

I'm going to miss you all. Serene.. =) my msn buddy..., abby, cherie, benben, kevin, hazel, and all.. but i have to do it.

on the weekends though.. =) i'll give myself a break. and then i'll be back on.... ok?

keep me accountable friends. make sure that i'm studying hard, that I am using what God has given me and making the best of it... that i am here to do well and glorify God. He's given me a love for studying and an ability to be disciplined. He and I can do this. I just need to get offline =)

this week was tough. i think i'm scraping bottom. that's ok. cos when i'm low and running ever lower, then like Elijah and the woman with the oil... God will just keep it coming. His grace is sufficient for me. in that truth, i can rest.

BA kids

haha!!! are you here? old picture of the BA kids!!! a long long long long time ago!


ba kids 1990

jie and I when we were small 

goodnight world

goodnight world.

it's 12.22 am... and i'm sleepy.

Goodnight God
Goodnight Mummy and Daddy and Jono
Goodnight Jie
Goodnight Becky
Goodnight Hozea
Goodnight Serene
Goodnight Benben, Hazel, Kel, Ivin, Joyce
Goodnight girls =) (Hozzy, Jane, Abby, Cherie, Cheryl... and more....)
Goodnight guys =) (Gabs, Tien En, Nick, Joel, Alan, Timo.... and some more...)
Goodnight everyone....
Goodnight you!
Goodnight world.

aw....

everyone together now...

"aw......"


eileen and mason chow
taken this sunday at the church playground.

girl talk

of sugar and spice and all things nice...

of giggles and smothered smiles while the homework piles...

of pain mixed with joy and stuff about boys...

of "arghs" and "yays" and happy days...

that's what girl talk is made of!

i refer you to serene's blog.

it was good, girlfriends rock!!! especially ones without boyfriends (smothered giggle). I can imagine if this was a pajama party... we'd be uncontrollable.

And you know what cool about all this? if we have more time, we'd probably have pulled out the bible a couple more times... than we already did! yeah.

God is good. He gave us hope and joy and friends to share it with.

because so many of you have asked "how?" and my answer can only be "God"!

walk through this with me.

Wednesday 18/10/04:

• I'm in chapel, and all of a sudden I want to speak, sing chinese. So i start trying to sing chinese words to the english songs. The easiest to sing to was "i have decided to follow Jesus"... dunno why.
• Really felt like I missed home so much on wed... it was the most trying day for me... and I was tired, burnt out and barely clinging on.
• Eileen calls about hmmm... 8 plus? and tells me about the tickets. and things turn around from there... we decide that it's either we both go back or we both stay. No one wants to be in US alone during christmas.
• Pros of goin home are evaluated: family! (in singapore), friends, birthday, christmas, new year, shopping, senior practicum interviews.
• I blog (the chinese song?), and start to pray that God will show...

Thursday 19/10/04

• Lorien replies my msg saying that I dont have to worry about coming back early because of APA responsibilities.
• My graphics design teacher and social work professor agree to cooperate with me, so i can take my exams and come home.
• Eileen's mum and dad kinda say "ok"
• Eileen decides that she really possibly really wants to do this
• I get a $10 rebate check in the mail... (its severely delayed and i didn't expect mail), more importantly i told God that " if id Your will for me to go home, someone has to give me money today".
• We decide that if the prices remain the same for friday, then we'll buy the tickets.

Fri 20/10/04

• My other two subjects are confirmed take-home finals.
• Eileen and I find tickets. 1027 and 1069 on priceline. They were bought.
• My mum is genuinely excited.

that's was my 3 day ticket buying experience. I think God is so good because.... because eileen and I were so positive about staying here.... but somehow something happened and He blessed our trip home. Money is still an issue, but hey... if God can do anything, He can definately take care of money.

I wanna testify!

God LOVES. He blesses, He proves, He speaks, He directs, He provides, He softens, He fills and He releases.

How can I have a God of abundance and everything so wonderful... and still feel at times that my situation is "impossible". Nothing is impossible, except the bad things. I dont think God can be bad, even if He tried...

i just wanted to say...

you are all beautiful

truly. we all struggle, we all have our weaknesses, we know our flaws. but you are all so beautiful.

i urge you. see your beauty, see it through God's eyes. don't see yourself through others, don't see yourself through what you have or have not done.

all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

but breathe. know God redeems and because of that, you are beautiful.

take your breath away

thanks for all those who have held their breath with me.

this piece of news took my breath away... and it will take yours too if you know me.

i am coming HOME!!!

got that? In DECEMBER.

and on top of that all??? give it a wild guess?

yeah. I'll leave that open. give it a wild guess. the better you know me, the more likely you'll get that one right.... =) and i'll tell you all when haha... the audience has polled.

Hold your breath....

pray with me.

something very very exciting may happen within the next 24 hours.

hold your breath.

我的心不在这里

我要回家！我好想念我的亲戚朋友们。 这里我很寂寞。让你们看一首歌，唱的时候。。。 我好像要哭。。。

飞越了二十四小时
来到一个陌生城市
心爱朋友不在左右
每当思念家泪水直流

我的心不在这里
好想念家的天气
天天有阳光洒在高楼与草地
我虽喜欢在这里
但想到冬天的来临
又得独自忍耐着寒冷冬天

但想到家的温情
那里我不会冷，也不会寂寞

心情沉重无法入睡
望出窗外欣赏夜景
当我看见星空弯月
不知不觉就想奔回家

不知道世界上还会有多少人
也和我一样正想着 要回家

story time

I think God is good. more than good. God is the God of over-and-above, more-than-more-than-enough, spilling-over, uncountable, awesome-kind of good.

let me tell you a story. There was this girl (lets call her A) who was brought by Sharon jie to camp. Another girl (called B) bunked with them and another girl. B was always busy with church camp stuff, so never really got to know A very well... but that was the beginning of something...

about 1-2 years later, A and B find themselves in the same discipleship group. They met every friday night to learn about God, and to be trained as leaders. A and B also began to lead sunday school worship in turns. For some time, A and B spent alot of time talking about God, building up faith, encouraging each other, going to seminars together, A helping B with schoolwork and writing letters. But... somewhere, something happened... and it all stopped.

B really missed A but never had a chance to say it. She never was brave enough. A never knew.

Then one day, something changed... A and B began to email each other and chat online (sorry ah... cant remember who emailed first... I think you right?? =P) and all of a sudden, truths began to spill out. The air was cleared of misunderstandings, the ground was laid ripe for a deeper friendship...

I think that was about 8 months ago. Haha. You know who A and B are right? (guess, give you a clue... one starts with a S-----) yah! I think God is amazing because at that time when we weren't being good friends to each other, I felt so helpless. One day, i'll read you my journal from back then. I'm sure your name pops out a couple of times.... more.... I prayed, and I was kinda sad that i did not hold on. But God does the amazing.

Beauty from Ashes.

doesn't that make you go WOW?

so let me tell you an accompanying story. About the other girl in our camp room... lets call her C. B and C had been childhood friends, though B could not remember her. But somewhere that had gotten lost as well, and they had only got to know each other better a year ago. But back then, B and C were good friends, they studied together, they hung out in BAY together and in sunday school too. So much so that C's then best friend got jealous.

B and C had a BIG HUGE MEGA fight one day. One that lasted almost an entire year. B was devastated... by the rejection of her love, the rejection of her apologies... all the time being blind to the pain she was still causing C. One beautiful Christmas though... Christ's love healed all that, and B and C forgave, and put it behind them.

They went back to being good friends. Really close friends. Through the really tough times... and I do not mean exams. But serious tough, dry times.... alone times. Ups and downs. Downs and ups.

But things change between friends, and as work and studies and friends and family and BAY and church and all crept into their lives... things changed. But God was still good. Because change is not bad dear. It didn't change the love B has for C, and it didn't change the love God has for the both of them, or the love that C has for B. It only changed the way they expressed it.

So C! (listen up!) B has something to say to you... something she says all the time. And no... she's not going to tell you that you are being __________. She's sorry she made you feel that way. She wants to say "you know, i love you, and i'm going to try to be there for you every time I can. But i'm just human dear. But God... God is there for you 24-7 even when I'm not". And C does not just have B as her friend, she has A too. and she has many many others... guess who? Like K-- and B---- and B-- and A--- and so so so many more.

and trust me. You. You are beauty from ashes.

ok. and that's the end of my story telling. =)

remembering the good times...

ok.. so serene's asking about the top prompted me to look for a picture I had with the top (see if you can spot it!) and i went into my ibook, into iphoto... and then was transported back to 2003... with all these fond memories... and well.. it took the whole night to finally get them somewhere and give them captions.. =) but i hope you guys will enjoy remembering with me... all the things that happened and all the wonderful people that i have in my life. I am deeply grateful! so.. here are some pics.. =)

http://share.shutterfly.com/osi.jsp?i=EegNG7JmybtWGg

the shirt! 

fall break is coming to an end...

argh... let's see what have i done this break?

• I have fallen sick, and gotten well within 2 days (Praise God)
• I've been to Dallas and back... where I bought (besides food) a windbreaker, a pair of tevas, 2 long sleeved t-shirts and a correlle dining set for my mummy.
• I've done alot of assignments, and have a couple more to go.
• I've done like 10 practicum hours this week.
• I've run 1.5 miles twice (latest time is 12.09) and walked it once, and played badminton 3 times. Tomorrow we're playing again.
• I've read 5 story books... in a row... =P the Redemption series by Katherine Kingsbury. It's considered "Christian Inspirational". I'll say more later.
• I've eaten A TON of food. That includes chinese food, cheesecake, snacks (pringles, pocky, seaweed, wang-wang, yanyan... the list goes on), ice-cream, caramel apples and oh! cereal and bread.
• I've recieved a package from my jie, filled with good things. =)

but the highlight highlight of the week? was sitting in my room... sitting infront of this computer chatting to people back home. especially... yes =) especially you!

ok... so let me say something in defense of my "Christian Inspirational" novels, which can be read as boring, conventional, predictable, sappy love stories that have God in them. Yes and no... I like them because they are clean, they can make me cry and still feel hopeful, and God is always there in the thick of it. Maybe i'm narrow-minded... but i like clean, happy stories where even if it's not a perfect world, there's a perfect God. That's real life in the right perspective for me. I don't want to read trashy novels or thrillers... or some other books because sure, what they write about may be real life, but it comes from a world-view which is isn't God oriented... and can make me cynical, sick or taint me. So am i being a freak? haha.... i have a best friend who reads GOOD books... good literary type, solid stuff which i enjoy too. But she loves. And you know what? I love that about her. She's intellectual.... born to be smart and to engage. I've moved past trying to think i'm like that. I'm just a normal girl who loves to be cheered up by nice love stories that make me warm and fuzzy inside. What better to do that than a book that has God on every page but is real too? =P

yup. reading those books has inspired me though. I'm inspired to want to have a Godly family. one with close ties. i'm learning that parents are important. and i think i appreciate mine more too. because despite all the mistakes we make, time and time again... nobody else is watchign out for us like them... and they are praying for us too... Maybe you dont think so.... but really... christian parents are a blessing. Thank you Mummy and Daddy!

=)

Truth vs fact

someone asked me "how do you identify yourself" yesterday.. and then I didn't get a chance to answer. So... i you are still wondering.

I identify myself through the truth. I am a child of God. I am wonderfully made, precious and worthy of blessings. I have dominion, power and authority. I also am human, and am perfected in God's eyes.

What about all my characteristics? My personality? My passions? Are those not part of my identity? Well.. I thought long and hard about it... and my answer would be... they are not part of my true identity. See... here is the difference. Truth and fact are not the same thing. For example... ok... for example. Some people tell me i'm stubborn. That's a fact. The truth is that I am a person to whom God has given the capability to discern. The Bible says I have the mind of Christ. So... while i exhibit certain characteristics.... that is not who I truly am.

What if there's some discrepancy? Since we can't always be Bible-perfect people... well that's something that i'm working on. It's not part of who I truly am though... it's merely part of what I exhibit here right now... and a leopard can change his spots! doesn't make him a tiger... but he can change his spots! and.... well Jesus is the truth Himself, and He will begin to change you so that you don't have that struggle between whether your characteristics exhibit your identity... we all have to work at that... getting the truth to set us free from being trapped in our own sin...

Even good things that I know I have characteristics of... for example... being friendly... that's not my identity... that's just a characteristic.. it could change... and I could become not so friendly.. and I'll still be a God-created, wonderfully made child of God.

ok... so that's my truth vs fact, identity vs personality blog for today. =) ask me, comment me.... if you wanna say stuff... please!

Dallas pics

So.. i'm back... from Dallas... when i have more time i shall take a photo of all the stuff I bought there.... right now.... Just see these pictures yah? most of the time, we were eating and shopping, so nothing much to take... haha... so we ended up taking pictures for the sake of taking nice pictures.... and hey! they turned out pretty good.....

most importantly! look out for my new red windbreaker. =) haha... it reminds me of home.... of somebody's windbreaker that always gets lent out. A combination of two of them actually... cos one of the is red, the other is a pullover type... haha!! I win.. I have them both!!! yay!!!

ok.. it's like almost 2 am... and I'm still wide awake... sigh! =P have practicum tomorrow, so I think I better go and sleep, or do some work or something productive.

seeya!

i have this strange nauseous feeling... hmm... it's quite interesting. Like my throat is tense and wants to puke but the rest of me feels fine. It's all like.. in my throat. I dont think it has anything to do with being sick... i wonder what it is.

On another note. =) DALLAS tomorrow.... just for monday and tuesday. But well, that's wonderful. I do have homework to do, and I am trying to get it done, but it's been hard to concentrate...

2:00 AM

i went to bed at 7:30pm last night. I think i must have woken up at least 6-7 times by now... I got so frustrated with being hot that I went over to ling's room to sleep. I think that was a t 11:57pm. Slept there till about 1:47... i woke up 3 times there. Before then I got up at 8- something, 9-something, 10-something.... ARGH! I just wanna sleep through.

*yawn*

I'm not sleepy anymore though i think. I'm just woozy. I don't wanna turn my clock upside down though. I need to go to bed soon!

yah.... seeya!

at Madame Butterfly

we went to see Madame Butterfly last night, courtesy of Amanda's ex-professor that gave her tickets. It was awesome... and I cried bucketfuls. THis was the story that inspired Miss Saigon... whichwas just as sad....


on a not so happy note, I'm am sick. I hate being sick... and am rarely... but fever, severe cough, throat infection and er... blocked nose.... but am feeling slightly better now.... you know how you usually feel better in the day than night? yeah... that's how i feel. =P bleah

6-chapter test on wed

studying (playing with the webcam too)

so whats the major thing in my life right now? the social work exam and the developmental pysch 10-page research paper. that, and being tired, wanting break to come and just feeling a little blue due to the cold weather and the fact that while everybody will be home over fall break, i'll be here....

=) Phil 4:13 says that I can do all things through Christs who gives me strength. This week... i really need to do all things!!!

singapore times that you can call

well... this is my schedule translated into singapore time. I wont always be in my room when i'm not at class, but more likely than not I will be.. give or take days when I work out.... or when I go to bed!

mon: 2:30am- 1pm

tues: 2:30am- 11am, 12:45pm- 1:30pm

wed: 4:30am- 11am, 12pm - 1:00pm

thu: 9:30am- 1:00pm

fri: 4:30am- 7:30am, 9:30am- 1:00pm

sat: 3:30am- 2:00pm

sun: 12:30am- 2:00pm

see what I mean??? haha... so.... yeah. and it'll get worse with daylight saving... coming up in late oct if I remember right. =P

the open skies

i love tulsa skies. Of all of the physical reasons to make me stay here... (since if God says stay! then there's little discussion) it would have to be the open skies.

I quote Anne of Green Gables on this one.... "there's scope for imagination".

i think when i see the open skies, the beauty if it all strikes me deep inside.
something goes off within me, and all of a sudden, it's all mine.
He made it for me, it shows me He cares.
I'm not scientific, i don't know why the skies are coloured purple, pink, blue, orange....
I just know i liked it.