special names

Before I left for Jenn and Chris' house, I was trying a letter somewhere to nobody in particular listing out the people that I loved and missed. haha.. I shant write it out here ... but I shall tell Abby what hers said... to encourage the rest of you.

I miss Abby. My resident smiley girl. =) ABBY!!! you know... Abigail means "Father's joy" or "gives joy". I say it's perfect. Sometimes, you never really know that you fufill your name, it's part of the destiny God has for you. You bring me joy, and plenty of others too.
 
Can you see that? That your name holds so much promise from God? I know that not all of you think that your name means something... especially my dearest Hazel... but hey.... think about how delicious and nourishing hazelnuts are, and how well they go with chocolate and coffee... and bring flavor to food. In the same way... =) you can bring flavor to people's lives... a bit of Hazel flavor... that's something I miss too
 
so anyways... just keep on bring God into our world girls... and guys! =) And Abby.. *hug* and Hazel.. if you are there *hug* how's school... and the rest of my wonderful friends that i did not mention... *HUG*  seeya soon!

just jazz...

playing around with adope photoshop, i'm sure you are bored of me writing all the time, especially since i'm not leading a particularly interesting life. But yeah... just for fun....
just jazz 

exhausted

it's only 11:19pm here. But i have to get up before 7am tomorrow. I've not stopped yawning the entire time.... i have so much work! =) argh. my fault, for not doing it this afternoon... i didn't take a nap after all, but i didn't do anything productive either.

the most interesting thing today? went out with elaine and koes (it's koose to me.... but thats how it's properly spelt, short for koesmanto) and his two other friends... japanese food. I had tofu.. and calamari rings.. =) haha.. the rest ate sushi. Koes insists on calling me princess. =) least it's a not name... not like some I've gotten before!

and i love apples. Pacific Rose apples (from NZ), Pink Lady (NZ, Cyprus...), Fugi, Royal Gala(only NZ), braeburn, macintosh... and even granny smith.the ones i really dont like? La Rome apples.. and Red Delicious ones too...
=) haha.. back to work, then qt, then letter writing, then book reading... and somewhere there... sleep. =) least i shall definately sleep well tonight!

*yawn*

anybody know any good sleep inducing techniques that don't involve milk? I dont have normal milk, and I doubt soy milk has that same ingredient. I haven't found it easy to get to sleep lately. The only time I sleep properly at night is if I slept likeonly 4 hours the previous night and then exerted myself to the point of exhaustion... but I end up tired and sleepy the next morning. I haven't stooped yawning today.... but now I want to sleep, but dread the tossing and turning and waiting that I know will follow. Horrible isn't it? I done sheep counting, reciting Psalms, claiming verses, praying, and just waiting it out till i fall alsleep!!! I dunno why... maybe it's a phase. I hope so. =)

I shall play with the colours here. I love colours, they are so awfully pretty don't you think? =) Beautiful! yay! I wonder why colours trigger my endorphins... haha... but i'm sure they do! I think I have a large attachment to aesthetic things... colours, long words, good designs, yummy food... my eye favors certain things... well, =) haha, have a colourful and very blessed day!

chimpanzees, falling leaves and boring lectures

Haha... in essence, my summer biology class that is a whole lot of work. =) That's why you (Abby) never see me online anymore, cos I have class till about 11... then I stay there to do some work... come back, eat... do more work... read a book.... do more work... bleah. =) I got to watch chimpanzees for 1.5 hours though... really struck me how similar they would be to humans, and yet how VERY VERY different! =) I'm so glad I have a spirit.... and I can praise God... in words, thoughts and deed. And I am awfully glad I can make good choices. But they were kinda cute, grooming each other, stealing each other's food and napping immediately after eating. =) I also have to identify leaves. That is not a fun task... thank God i have 10 done and 5 more to go!!! You think 15 is little? I thought so too... before I started. One is hard enough!!! haha.. =) and yes, my lectures are boring... but just a week more.
 
I just wanna tell everyone out there.... My God, my daddy, mummy, jie, bro... my grandma and grandpa (both sets), cousins, aunties and uncles (who dont read this blog).... and then my friends... best friends, close friends, buddies, and everyone else (who does).. I LOVE YOU! and I miss you guys awfully much. =) uh huh... But God is good. =) and please say hi... or something... cos... =) it's nice to know that there are people out there

Verses and prayers for friends

For my friend suffering as an earthly child: 1 John 3:1 (NKJV) [brackets added]
 
"Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed upon us, that we should be called children of God! Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him... And everyone who has this hope in Him purifies himself [or herself], just as He is pure"
 
Accept love, release the hurt, pain, bitterness, resentment, sorrow... and take heart! My dearest buttercup =) we are more than earthly children, we are daughters of God Himself... and yes, some are unable to see that. But we can help them to, and we can stand firm and abide in just His love. I am praying for you. Keep close, Stand firm, Take heart... even if it means being distant, weak and submissive. I have faith in God, and in you.
 
For my friend who is struggling: Psalm 91:14-16 (NKJV)

God says
"Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him on high, because he has known My name; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him, And show him my salvation"
 
What a powerful promise to behold! God will honor a heart that belongs all to Him. 
 
For a friend who is there for me: Proverbs 27:17 (NKJV)

"As iron sharpens iron, So a man [or woman] sharpens the countenance of his [her] friend"
 
Thank you for the friction, Thank You God for putting us together.
 
For my friend who longs to be satisfied: Psalm 63:5 (NKJV)

"My soul shall be satisifed as with marrow and fatness, And my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips"

I'm sure my friend, that you will appreciate the humour here! I pray you find companionship, fufillment, and contentment with yourself, your world and your life. God is wonderful, and He does know all your needs!
 
For, my friends who are special to me: Palm 118:1 (NKJV)

"Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever."  

=) And let us all keep our eyes on our Maker, and praise Him. What a glorious God... what a wonderful Saviour!

i love the smell of...

i love the smell of fresh laundry...
 
i really do! especially when i just take it out of the dryer, and i've put in dryer softening sheets... (it's a fabric softener that you use in ther dryer instead). Soft, fluffy, warm, fresh-smelling fabric! Delightful. =) and then folding them, and placing them neatly back into the drawers... finding yourself replenished of apparel needs... sigh... the smell, the feeling... =)
 
everybody! go wash your clothes!
 
something else that I smelt that I loved the smell of. Adidas sport perfume. Strange huh? When i'm reading, i don't get distracted easily... putting it another way... when i read, i'm lost in my own little fantasy world. but my roomate... who have never got me to say bye to her before she leaves (because I am reading, and never notice till i'm done that she's left) used that perfume. I was entralled. =) intoxicated maybe. It was a wonderful smell... I did say bye to her.. =) haha... i have to find it for myself though. It was refreshing.
 
and speaking of fresh... (am I rambling? yes I am... indulge me.) The first word i can associate with fresh is "strawberries"! does anyone else have this interesting brain connection? i love strawberries...
 
haha... I think i love alot of things. =) I love you... whoever you are reading this... if you've left me a tag.. then I know you... then I can assuredly say that I do... of course, if I don't know you... =) and I love God. Oh.. and my mum, dad, sis and bro... (who do not read this blog).
 
sigh. a *whiff* of fresh laundry for you. goodnight everyone! 

one true woman after God's own heart

Strength and dignity are her clothing;

She laughs at the time to come.

She opens her tongue with wisdom,

And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

She looks well to the ways of her household

And does not eat the bread of idleness

...

"Many women have done excellently,

But you surpass them all."

Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,

But a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised

Give her the fruit of her hands,

Let her works praise her in the gates.

 

Proverbs 31:25-27, 29-31 (ESV)

 
I wanna be all that and more. I want to bear fruit, I want to give even more. Give and give till there's nothing left of me... and that's the wonderful paradox. When you have given... and given... then you will find yourself richer and richer. The law of God surpasses the law of the world.
 
 

what can I say?

God is a wonderful God. What more is there to say? I'm awestruck by His constant messages of love. Makes me remember...

 

The simplest of all love songs,

I want to bring to you

So i'll let my words be few

Jesus, I am so in love with You.

 
What can I say? I'm captivated by His grace, His love, His beauty, His gentleness, His wisdom, His kindness and His sensitivity.

the Market

voss  

gorgeous bottle. went to the Market to have the most delectable, heavenly, scrumptious, wonderful, drool-worthy dessert. this bottle is about 18 cm tall, but it beckoned my aesthetic nature... drawn to both water, glass and sleek design, i bought it. extravagant. desert? moon-mountain torte. chocolate, marshmellow, fudge, hazelnut in a kinda thick creamy-textured slice based with rich chocolate cake. it was an experience.

It's gonna be bright, bright sunshiny

I Can See Clearly Now
I can see clearly now the rain has gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone is the dark cloud that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright,
it's gonna be bright bright sunshiny day

I think I can make it now the pain has gone
All of my bad feelings have disappeared
There is the rainbow I've been praying for
It's gonna be a bright,
it's gonna be bright bright sunshiny day

Look all around, nothing but blue skies
Look straight ahead nothing but blue skies

It's gonna be bright, gonna be bright
Gonna be bright, sunshiny day


=) perfect song for a beautiful, sunny day like this. I can appreciate the humidity, the glaring sun... not just physically but spiritually as well. Things are looking up... not because there are no obstacles... but because I can see them. I wanna jump, dance, twirl and laugh and cry and sing and shout. have done that actually... =) It's gonna be bright, bright sunshiny day!

undone

i need to quote serene.

"obedience is the sweetest and toughest place to be in"
- serene ng, WAGOH

thanks for the kick that was much needed sister. =)

Today, I cried for a long time... twice. But they were for different reasons. I cried first because I did not have what I wanted and I had manipulated myself to the point where I believed I could control that. Those tears, I cried for myself... were selfish tears. I tried to ease my self-inflicted pain... by reading story books, eating favorite apples and nothing.

But I realised, that I was not right and I could not run away. I gave up... and I went to worship. I haven't done that in ages... but God knew... and there, in front of the throne of grace. I came undone.

My weaknesses are too many... and I cannot believe that I have let myself go unchecked for so long. Just because there are areas of my life that are ok, it doesn't make me holy. Its like a tree. Just because it has fruit on its branches, doesn't mean that there are no dying branches, or that there are no bagworms eating it up.

I'm undone.

But fessing up to God, and coming to terms with myself was necessary... I have been such a fool. Incredible. I have been such a fool... and now I have come undone. What a glorious thing! Because now I can start afresh... I let sin fester in my life, and God was the surgeon who came and started cutting out the black poison, and washed it with His blood.

I had forgotten something God told me before church camp,in the weeks that I was in Sabah. He told me I had a higher calling, and I was to grab it. We all have a higher calling, but so so many of us choose to live out the minimal Christian lifestyle. It's not about going to church every sunday, serving in church or even learning about God. God has a higher calling for us to be passionate about Him.. His love. And you know something? If you truly pursue that... and live out the intimate relationship with God that both you and He desire... then people will see that, and you will bear fruit.

My higher calling. I can't define it for you, not really for you to know either =). But I forgot it, and I remembered it once more. I am committed to God. In everything... especially my fallible nature... my heart, my hands, my words and my deeds.

I cannot look to someone satify my needs. Because man, like me, is weak. But there are passionate sisters... and brothers who I can trust to steer me to where I can find that... and I thank God for her. Truly, truly... i'm back at my Source.

mmmm... real food.

today, after a dissapointed morning walk down the creek to observe absolutely nothing stunningly scientific (yes, i was hoping to see, snakes, frogs, turtles, fishes, insect even) and finding nada... I got to go for lunch. So Edward (malaysian guy) drove me and Elaine to meet up with Ah Fook and Ika (indonesians) in a town 1hr 15 mins JUST to eat real malaysian food. =) And though it was nowhere close to as real as home... it was good enough to make me happy. We had ngor hiang... sigh.. =) I miss my grandma so much... And then... back to Ah Fook's apartment.. where he has *deep breath guys... especially my buddies* his own pool table... and 4 pool cues (why anyone would need that many is beyond me). Haha.. so me and Elaine gotta play... Hozea, Ben and Kenny... all those times teaching me did not go to waste!!! haha... Ah Fook said I wasn't bad... and i won... haha... after a rather long game lah... but aiyah!! =) haha.. it brought back good memories of being there with you guys, and clarabelle... I miss her! And Hozea.. remember the pool place in China??? haha... with the girls who set the balls for us? And top it all off, Ika (she's Ah fook's gf) made cream puffs... which were awesome. Hahah.. It was a wonderful day which ended in watching Mean Girls at the dollar movie. Haha.. yes, it's a teenybopper show, yes, i dont like lindsey lohan... but... it was an enlightening one. I guess in Singapore, i've never had that probable, of the "really cool girls" vs all the various groups they've had... no specific table arrangement, nothing really that bad... and so for that... i hate to say this... but I think... I think there are good things about the Singaporean education system, and about single-sex secondary schools... =) and one of them has got to be uniforms. ask me about it sometime, I shant bore you guys with my opinions. =)

so a great day with friends, food and fun... God is so good... because.... because saturdays used to be my loneliest days... waking up early for brunch in school... coming back when everyone else left for their lunch ans then their fun... and sleeping before everybody else got back... =) Thank God that I have Elaine.

and my nature nature is....

Your True Nature by llScorpiusll
Username
The quality that most appeals to you:	Sense of Humour
In a survival situation, you:	Freak out
Your hidden talent is:	Spiritual wisdom
Your gift is:	A loving heart
In groups, you:	Play an organisational role
Your best quality is:	Your sense of humour
Your weakness is:	Your lack of focus
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

haha... another one of those crazy memegen things... they all kinda making sense though... except for the focus thing.. i think i'm altogether overly focussed....

wanna play too? click here

beckyandme/changiairport/9aug03 

silly pose and the last time we took a picture alone together...
is it way too corny, immature and cliched to say "best friends forever"? haha =)

tribute to a best friend

ok... it's July 8 here, and i completely forgot all about the time difference and dates and all things that i might usually have a whole of just because I am so stressed with school and classes and more.... but! I still have to say, Happy Birthday Becky!! =) and welcome to a happy 19 years lived. (I've already given her a present and card way in advance so don't make me feel bad...*stop staring!!!!*) ok, here we go....

To Becky, who is
An intelligent being, of wise and unwise sayings
An unveiled talent, full of untapped potential
An art appreciater, knowing the finer things in life
A cuisinier divine, the sweets, the rich and just about all things delightful!
A beautiful creature, crafted and formed by perfect hands
An honest soul, which resides deep within
A sincere heart, lovable, endearing and warm
A quiet spirit, that rests in His presence
A Godly woman, blessed with fountains of life and love
and, a best friend, who walks the straight and narrow.

of course, there's more...
A really sweet and gentle girl *dont gag becks... haha... you know its true*
The book lover: the intellectually stimulating ones especially
The Russy-lover, completely devoted to one another they are!
"Absolutely fetching darling!"
The-one-who-never-wants-to-wake-up
Most powerful stuff-toy magnet on earth (please, dont give her anymore, she'll
suffocate!)

and there's more but well... somethings aren't so easily said right???
I love you dear.... and here's my prayer for you!

Heavenly Father God, I thank You for being such a wonderful Creator, that You could create someone as unique as Becky. For everything about her, from her intelligent head, to her rather-large feet God, in Your sight, is perfect. I praise You for the blessing that she and I can be for one another, and for people around us. We thank You God, because its Your love that binds us together like no human love can. For the years ahead, I trust that You will bring her a deep intimacy with You. That she will find her reality, her logic and her nature lined up with Yours. I thank You that You will be there as she discovers herself, and that You will hold her up when she stumbles. Most of all, that You will fufill her through and through, satisfy and provided adundantly for every need... so that she will not be lonely or doubtful, but content and filled-up and overflowing. Amen!

the truest truth

I was reminded in chapel today, by Pastor Bill Sheer of Guts church that

1) Rationality is not truth
- Being able to reason out something by logic, having it "make sense" not does make it true.

2) Our sensed reality is not truth
- What we see, hear, touch, feel and taste is real, but not necessarily truth either!
- We live in the world, and our bodies are of the world and hence give us wordly beliefs about what situation we are in.

The truth though, is God's word. With it, Peter can walk on water, a samaritan women can help save a village and you and I? we can get through all our battles, because they maybe be reasonable experiences, that are real... but they cannot fight against truth.

For that reminder, I was very grateful!

view from gurney hotel, word from God  

Awakened slumber

Your eyes drift close, let dreams entice you far
My eyes bide open entreating you remain

For watching the the sunlight dawn upon your face
I feel serenity dawn within my heart;
And observing the warmth sweep over your form
I sense pleasure sweep through my soul;
As seeing you stir in your blissful sleep
Brings aquaintance with satisfaction that stirs my spirit.

For gazing at you, I am content

Poetic muse seized me today, and would not let me go till I had yielded to it!

how true is that?? haha

What is a good quote for you? by grlinterupted
Name
Color
Say what??	"sigh"
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

it's bedtime!

finally! =) just a quick blog entry to say how much i've enjoyed my day at home. =) it's been simple. Just a stroll to walmart in the morning, apples to eat, bought cereal and did some work. More than that though, today i got to chat with people... alot of people... and i mean.. they mean so much to me. I got to talk with Becky, Serene, Alan, Abby, Benben and haha... Hozea! gosh.. he's been online for as long as I have lor... i think he's crazy for not going to sleep... it currently being 12:30pm there... (he hasn't slept yet). And well, despite the fact that i've not accomplished that much work-wise, I must say I feel so blessed to have people back home to talk to me =) God is good.

one more thing. I don't quite understand love... our human love. And sometimes it's not easy to either, because we are so fragile, so fickle and imperfect that we never really can sort out our choices from our emotions and from our actions. Our love for each other, can be wonderfulm and can be frustating, painful and then still give us that airy-wonderful feeling. The great thing about love despite all this? It's an image of God's love. and well... just wanna say this to my wonderful friend out there who is puzzling over love... God is love. Whatever form it be, eros or phileo, know that, that God is love. =)

had a wonderful saturday

I had a great saturday.. hanging out with Ronald and Elaine. We went to the mall, did a bit of shopping (i got earrings and a cardigan) and ate ice-cream (strawberries in cheesecake). Then headed to the chinese supermarket to buy stuff for the steamboat... and then home to prepare the steamboat! =) and then we ate and ate... =) haha.. and just ate somemore. I'm really really full =P but it was just great being able to be with people and eat healthier... unpackaged food (yes, still living off can soups here!) =) in short, it was a great time.

I miss back home... and the friendships aren't the same. Despite the fact that i'm in a christian uni, it's so hard to find somebody like me!! haha.. really maybe.. i am just an oddity. Koose (Indonesian guy) and Ronald think i'm a little girl.. fine. They both think my values are a bit warped too. I'm not talking about anyone else here, but I personally cant imagine wearing a bikini out. Haha.. to me... it's ugh.. but i was telling Elaine.. and basically Ronald thinks i'm too "princess" (as in... play with the golden ball and run around in the king's garden type) to be matured, and Koose thinks that i'm being too asian. that's a bad example though.. it just kept happening throughout the day though... like... teasing me about beer, hot guys and girls, and stuff. bleah.... i'm trying to celebrate who I am!!! anyone out there celebrating with me?

I think i'm glad i'm keeping my high principles. I read this John Maxwell book, and you can change your behavior, but principles are things you really live by. And so i'm not saying that my principles are better, but they are stricter... and i think i'd like them to stay that way... even if it means heated debates. Because I believe very strongly that we can all make higher and tougher desicions... and i was brought up with those decisions already being made. =) and it's too late to change them now, because i think kinda like them... i think they've kept me doing ok so far... i acutally think they've protected me, and let me... =).. be just me. yes... my principle are me, and they make me too... i'll figure it out someday.

for now, =) i'm thankful that though i'm 20... i'm not bowing down to pressure to be what people's idea of 20 year olds are. I'm me... thank You God for enjoying and loving me the way I am... yeah!!! I am happy =)

beautiful bible

presenting.... TAADAA!!!!


my new bible 

My new Bible... in the English Standard Version, given to me by Chris and Jennifer Chow.

Well, you knoe my small black bible? I lost it, and have been devastated by the lost, because I can never find that small a bible in NIV again! But... well, we went to this christian bookstore last night, and I saw this... and was apprehensive because i've nevr read the version... but it's an inbetween of NKJV and NIV.. haha.. pretty good stuff! it's not as small, but it's the smallest and prettiest.. and i felt it calling my name.. haha.. I had to pray about it too! Thank You God for listening to all prayers... and well.. we got it! and they put my name too... so pretty!!!

I really would want too

CHARACTER

I would be true, for there are those who trust me;
I would be pure, for there are those who care;
I would be strong, for there are those who suffer;
I would be brave, for there is much to dare.
I would be friend of all - the foe, the friendless;
I would be giving, and forget the gift;
I would be humble, for I know my weakness;
I would look up, and laugh, and love and lift

- Howard A. Walter